MUM: Ooh, there’s this new book out that everyone’s talking about. It’s meant to be brilliant.
ME: That will probably be the ‘Fifty Shades’ books.
MUM: They say it’s saving peoples’ marriages.
ME: It’s porn.
MUM: Oh. Is it selling well?
ME: Incredibly well.
MUM: Why couldn’t you have written it?
Yes, my 84 year old mother, who has read my books and knows my style, asked me why I hadn’t written about bondage and the likes! Very open minded, my mother.
So ‘Fifty Shades’, eh? What can I say that hasn’t been said before?
I read the sample available on Amazon and didn’t like the writing style. I haven’t read any of the juicy bits but, when a close friend told me she chucked it in the recycling after reading a third of it, I’m not likely to. We joked that it’s now ‘Fifty Shades of Brown, Green and Sludge’.
I guess it was always going to be a Marmite book - there will be those that do and those that don’t - but what will EL James care? She must be laughing all the way to Anne Summers. And jolly good luck to her, I say, although I’m still slightly astonished by its meteoric rise to fame. What made it stand out against the plethora of erotica on Amazon? I mean you can’t move for whips, chains and other paraphernalia. And I hear that publishers are looking out for the next new James - well, they need to get themselves on Amazon and check out all the Indie writers who are doing their bit for S&M.
So whilst I’m not in a position to review the book, I can pass comment on a very stupid remark made on the recent documentary about it. The name of the person escapes me but I was left reeling by their stupidity.
‘Women are crying out for non-consensual sex’.
Excuse me? You try telling that to working or knackered mums. And let’s get this totally straight. Non-consensual sex is rape. If you’re not giving your consent to have sex, you are being abused. If you're pretending not to give your consent, then it’s called role play.
Two totally different things. One illegal and one enjoyable.
And in answer to my mother’s question, I don’t write porn because I’m too nice! My books leave the sex firmly at the bedroom door (and not always in the bedroom). My heroines are sexy, feisty women with healthy sexual appetites but I don’t want to ram it down my readers’ throats - so to speak.
If the ‘Fifty Shades’ series is saving peoples’ marriages - great, I’m very happy for them. I’ve been told my ‘Mummy Misfit’ books have made women realise that they’re not alone in their insecurities and that suits me just fine. And I also received a review entitled ‘Not Fifty Shades of Awful’, which really made me smile.
Right, I’m off to see if I can come up with a plot for a novel where Libby and Fenella open up a lap-dancing club.
Just to please my mum!
Check out my THREE books on Amazon and Lulu. Humour and love without a whip in sight. Oh no, that's a lie - a whip features slightly in 'THE DARKER SIDE OF MUMMY MISFIT' but not in THAT way!