Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Me and My Big Mouth

It’s going to be a long post today as firstly I had the bright (read 'daft'!) idea to do an ‘open house’ blog and invite questions from Twitter, and then I was nominated for a blog award by @Amy_Jayne_.  Her blog can be found here.  This requires me to reveal seven things about myself and pass the award along. 

So, first up - my revelations - forgive me if you’ve read some before but there are only SO many things I’m prepared to share!  Also I’m going to keep them brief so that I can cover all my Twitter questions.

  1. I was in Grange Hill.
  2. I lived in Hollywood for six months.
  3. I suffered from secondary infertility - fell pregnant at first attempt and then never again.
  4. I could happily live on Marmite toast, avocados and chocolate.
  5. I used to teach adult literacy.
  6. I worry about everything.

I hand this award over to @michellebetham, @WriterDove and @Laurel_Mayer for their lovely and varied blogs.  Check them out and also Michelle and Laurel’s own book links.

Now … on to my Twitter questions.  I didn’t expect to get quite so many and I want to be fair and answer them all, so grab a chair and a coffee …

If you were stranded on a desert island with a comedian, who would it be?
This is an easy one!  It would have to be the gorgeous Tim Minchin.  Stunning to look at, talented and hilarious.  He could make me laugh whilst tickling the ivories.  For anyone who doesn’t know him, he writes intelligently witty songs and plays a mean piano.  Check out ‘Confessions’ below but be warned, it’s rude!

If you could have written any other book which would it have been and why?
I’d love to have written some of the Maeve Binchy books.  ‘Quentins’ or ‘Scarlet Feather’.  Also any of Lisa Jewell’s.  Both writers take you on great journeys with in-depth characterisation.

Why do you write under a nom de plume?  What will you do after the sequel and how do you and your husband celebrate the launch of a book?
I chose to write under my maiden name to protect myself from the bitchy mothers!  After the sequel, Mummy Misfit will be put to bed.  I’m working on a novel which is totally different in style but will hopefully deliver a laugh or two.  Hubbie and I celebrate with a meal and a big sleep - we’re normally exhausted.

What made you laugh the most, what flavour crisps would you put in a sandwich and what luxury item would you take in the jungle?
My husband and son make me laugh all the time but if I had to pinpoint one real side-splitting, eye-watering moment it would be when hubbie and I were first dating and went to the cinema to see ‘Ghost’.  Not really a film you would expect to get a laugh from.  Until we saw the opening credits - the producer was Howard W Koch and the director was Jerry Zucker.  A Koch-Zucker production!  The film was ruined for us (and those around us) as we were unable to stop giggling.
Crisps in a sandwich would have to be cheese and onion - the best.
Jungle luxury?  Me in the jungle?  Yeah, right!

If the whole world stopped and listened to you, what would you say?
I’d say stop squabbling over bits of land or oil or religion.  We’re humans sharing a world, let’s do it peacefully.

Do you ever pretend to be on a chat show and, if so, who’s interviewing you?
Oh, I’m so glad I’m not the only weirdo who imagines this scenario!  I’d love to be interviewed by the stunning Julian Clary - although I’d be slightly concerned that he’d be prettier than me.

If you were Prime Minister for the day what would you change?
I’d put a stop to greed in the world of finance.  I’d bring back old school education with the three R’s and stick to it!  I’d stop people coming into the country - sorry we’re full.  I’d make those choosing to live in our country live by our rules and I’d bring back smoking in designated pubs, restaurants and clubs.
I wouldn’t be popular!

What can I do to help other Indies like you to sell books?
Write great reviews, tell friends, Tweet, blog and continue to do the great job you’re already doing.

What’s the best live gig you’ve ever been to and why?
That would have to be when I went to see Curtis Stigers perform in the Pizza Express in Soho.  It was an intimate concert for about 50 of us.  He played all the jazz standards (forget the long-haired pop image you’re used to) and he kissed me!!  Nuff said!

Do you think a modern woman needs a man to feel complete?
This is a tricky one!  I couldn’t live without my husband, he’s my best friend, but I know many women who live independently quite happily.  My mum was widowed at 54 and has lived alone for 30 years -it’s not been easy for her but she’s a strong lady.  I’m not so strong.

How do you keep a perfect manicure when doing the chores - do you wear Marigolds?
I never wear rubber gloves - I hate them.  Hubbie does all the washing up (lucky me) and I always re-do my nails after a big clean.  I hate chipped or broken nails.

What were your favourite comics when you were growing up?
When I was about eight I loved Twinkle.  As I got older I moved on to Jackie.  A funny story … my dad bought me a copy of Twinkle to cheer me up when I had bad period pains - I was fifteen!

If you could only listen to three albums for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Oh boy!  The one album I can answer with absolute certainty is Tom Waits and Crystal Gayle’s ‘One From the Heart’.  A beautiful soundtrack to a crap film (Frances Ford Copolla).  It’s the combination of the dirty, ravaged voice of Waits with the bell-like clarity of Gayle (again below). When I put this album on, I can’t turn it off - I’m there to the end.
And now I have to cheat!  The other two albums would be compilations made by me because I like such varied stuff.  Sorry!

What’s the most satisfying thing about being an Indie author?
That would have to be when people who don’t know you contact you and say they love your work.  Making friends with my readers has been a real unexpected bonus.
(the above Twitterer has a book soon to be released on Amazon for Kindle - ‘The Tangled Web’ by Lacey Dearie - check it out, you’ve got to support the Indies!)

And finally … the oddest question of the bunch but I have to answer it …

If you were to marry an aardvark (!) who would be your best man, where would you marry and where would you go on your honeymoon?
OK!  I’d plan to marry on a remote Caribbean island.  I’d take my husband as my best man, dump the aardvark and have a much needed holiday with hubbie!

Now that was a bit of a marathon!  Hope you enjoyed.  That Twitter bunch are a mad lot but I thank them all for their imaginative questions.

Diary of a Mummy Misfit is available on Amazon for Kindle and in paperback at Lulu.  The sequel ‘The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit’ will be released mid December in both formats.


  1. I am a Marmite fan,too.

    Ah, Twinkle. I loved that comic as a child. Grange Hill :) The memories are all coming back.


  2. Brilliant questions and fantastic answers!! Well done! Xx

  3. Enjoyed reading these :-) I'm definitely not a weirdo though, will leave that to you! Ha ha xx MrsMac3

  4. You were in Grange Hill???? I am in awe!!!! Ella :-)

  5. I love Marmite, Choc and avocados too. Great post. I'm now off to make toast and Marmite!

  6. 'Grange Hill' - was trying to remember what you had been in. I am going to Google episodes right now - if there are any!