Saturday, 3 September 2011

Vocation, Vocation, Vocation ...

I’ve blogged in the past about jobs I’d love to do for a day (see older post) so thought I’d share the five jobs I’d NEVER want to do.

Out of pure nosiness, I’m also tagging some fellow bloggers/writers at the end of this post - the one’s I know will rise to the challenge!

First up …

I could never be a surgeon, doctor, midwife, gynaecologist, vet - in fact any profession which involves flesh, puke, pee, poo or blood.  I just can’t do it.  I only have to see a tiny cut with a few bubbles of blood and my knees start to play up with the ‘wobbles’. The smell of vomit has me instantly retching - and I’m such a baby I still cry when I (rarely) throw up.

Security guard in a shop - now I’m not being snobby here, I’ve worked in enough stores as a Saturday girl in my time and that was boring enough - but how do these guys keep themselves awake?  They stand, often in the same position, for hours on end.  The most exciting thing likely to happen is a quick wander around the store or the thrill of a shoplifter.  I’d like to think that they either go into some kind of Zen-like meditative state or maybe, with all the people-watching they do, are constructing a best-selling novel in their head - ‘I Know What You Did in Aisle Five

As much as I love animals and I said that I’d do it for a day if I could have my memory erased afterwards, I couldn’t work with rescue animals.  I just wouldn’t be able to sleep in my bed for worrying about them.  My house would become a refuge for all my ‘favourites’ and then I’d worry about the ones I’d left behind.  I even lie in bed some nights when it’s raining and worry about all the creatures that are out there in the storm.  Yes, I’m really that bad!  Hubby knows that I should never be set lose on animals - I’ll often try to bring a ‘stray’ home from the park or I’ll fall in love with a particularly scruffy dog (the best) and be love-sick for days!

With my fear of flying, I don’t think it would be a great idea for me to be part of a cabin crew.  Hey, it would be great for meeting all those fantastic gay guys but I think I’d be fired on my first day for knocking back the bubbly (to calm my nerves!) and screaming hysterically every time we hit the slightest bit of turbulence.  I’m the type of passenger who watches every move and facial expression of the crew.  Why isn’t she smiling?  Why is he looking flustered?  I like to befriend them so that when we’re about to crash, I’m the first to know.  I once became SO close to a lovely gay trolley-dolly that, when he should have been strapped in his seat, he was holding my hand, wiping away my pathetic tears (ear problems) and telling me that if anyone should have been upgraded to First Class, it should have been me!  No, a career in travel is not for me - or the passengers!

I used to say that I’d hate to be a toilet attendant.  Yuck, it’s pee, poo and blood all over again.  I still believe it would be incredibly boring (and smelly) but my opinion changed (just ever so slightly) when I visited Harrods a few weeks back.  As loos go, pretty plush - not the ideal working environment but, if you’re going to work in a bog, it must be one of the best.  I still felt that it would be the most mind-numbingly boring job in the world but … one thing caught my eye.  I saw the amount of money that was handed to the lovely Jamaican lady who greeted everyone with a smile and an offer of designer perfume.  She cleaned, she polished, she sang and had sparkly chat and witty repartee with the piddling ladies.  I’d imagine twenty of our Great British Pounds would have crossed her palm in the time it took me to do my double squirt (wee and Lancôme perfume).  I just hope that Harrods are decent enough to let her keep all the money - she deserves it.

So, that’s my five … over to other great bloggers, my ‘Fabulous Feisty Indies’.

What job would you say “NO” to?


Diary of a Mummy Misfit is available at Amazon for Kindle.  Now also in paperback at Lulu.

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