Careering Through Life

I’ve previously written about my dream jobs, and last week I wrote about jobs I’d never do, so today I’m sharing some of the more peculiar jobs I have done in the past.

Now I’m not saying I’ve ever been a chicken-plucker or a taxidermist but there are a few, how shall we say, interesting things I’ve done for dosh.

I worked as a dental nurse/receptionist part time while at drama school.  I’m terrified of the dentist!  I’m the world’s worst patient - and probably not the world’s best dental nurse.  I worked for a lovely Chinese gentleman who would always tell me to leave the room if things were going to get gory.  He knew that it was better to have me outside, than flat on the floor in a dead faint.

He eventually coaxed me into his chair and totally transformed my smile.  He would then cheekily inform patients that he’d done ‘everything a man could possibly do’ in my mouth! … He hadn’t!

One of the funniest moments was when he was injecting a patient with local anaesthetic and, just at the moment she grabbed his leg in panic, he said “It’s OK, you’ll only feel a little prick!”  An age old joke, but the comic timing was brilliant and it really happened.

We also got rather tiddly at a Christmas lunch and he decided that it was best not to complete any work on that afternoon’s patients.  So instead he gave them a compensatory glass of wine in the dental chair and kept telling them “Look, my nurse can’t even walk in a straight line!”  It was all very ‘Carry on Dentist’.

Hubbie and I once worked for one overnight stay as security in an old antiques market.  We set off with our duvet, portable TV and dog ready to protect the sprawling (and slightly creepy) property.  Hubbie did one round of nightwatch patrol (keeping in touch with walkie-talkies - we’re talking pre mobiles) and then we barricaded ourselves into the office, snuggled down with the dog and went to sleep!  If you want tough guy bouncers to keep a beady eye on your valuables, don’t ask us!

I’ve stuffed envelopes for a credit card insurance company.  At 5p an envelope, I would literally work through the night with my sister, brother-in-law and friends.  I could earn enough money to fund a night out in a club and a cab home.  The only trouble was I usually ended up walking rather strangely, as sitting on the floor working for hours on end played havoc with my back.

Hubbie and I modelled.  Now don’t get over-excited, we’re not talking Posh and Becks style.  We had a modelling shoot at a disused school in North London for … wait for it … industrial aprons.  They were heavy duty, dull fabric with multiple pockets for hammers, spanners and screws.  Some had rather alarming ties which went up through our legs and around our bottoms - a bit too bondage for my liking.  Once we’d got over the giggles we had a great day and were paid well for it.  We have no idea where the pictures appeared and probably don’t want to know.  We saw copies of them and, luckily, our heads never appeared!

Before we were married, and during another bout of redundancies, we set up a company called ‘Willing Wombles’ to survive and pay for our wedding.  We would undertake most jobs, big or small.  Our contracts included typing, decorating, dog walking, nannying and driving.  We were even asked to set up a crèche at a military wedding in the City.  Hubbie, sister and I had responsibility for 30 kids aged between 6 weeks and 12 years.  We called it ‘The Little Drummer’s Club’.  I was juggling the babes in arms, sister had the toddlers and hubbie kept the raucous ones entertained.  It was one of the most exhausting afternoons of my life but we were paid handsomely.  ‘Willing Wombles’ kept our heads above water and we had the wedding of our dreams.  Soon after that hubbie returned to work in the City and I fell pregnant.  The rest, as they say, is history.

So what weird jobs have you done?

Ever been a traffic warden?  Bet you won’t own up if you have, because you know we all hate you!

So, come on spill the beans - the dodgier the better.

Diary of a Mummy Misfit is available at Amazon for Kindle. Now in paperback at Lulu.