Drive Time!

I was tagged by my friend on Twitter, @Katesvie, to take part in a challenge which reveals my 'Ultimate Summer Driving List'.  You can see Kate's here.

Just as a little aside here, Kate also hosts virtual party nights on Mondays and Fridays - simply follow her on Twitter @vpnights.  Each week between 9 and 10pm (UK) you can join her and the other guests - tweet your drink, your nibble and your tune.  I've had some great chats, giggles and banter - a night out when you're staying in!

So ... my driving music.  Not necessarily summer related, but the ones I like to turn up in volume while slapping the wheel in appreciation.

1.  LOVE SHACK by The B52's
You have to sing along, you have to strut your stuff (tricky behind the wheel!).  You just can't stop yourself.

2.  DAYDREAM BELIEVER by the Monkees
Sunny, gorgeous and feelgood.

3.  DANCING IN THE MONLIGHT by Toploader
I once embarrassed myself at son's primary school, singing this quite loudly with the windows open as I parked the car.

4.  BROWN EYED GIRL by Van Morrison
We courted in the good old fashioned way to Van the Man.  Many happy hours were spent in the car listening to him.

5.  MAHNA MAHNA by the Muppets
Ridiculous but was played on every journey we made to Scotland, OVER AND OVER AGAIN - always made us laugh and always got the three of us singing along with dopey grins on our faces.

So there you go - songs I love to hit the roads with.  What would yours be?

I'm tagging here - Twitter buddies @JamieTDougan @michellebetham @ian_wilfred @AmandaNasson1 @donna_trinder

Mr & Mrs Misfit

Today is my nineteenth wedding anniversary.  Nineteenth?!   How did that happen?  I was sure I only looked nineteen the last time I saw my reflection in the mirror!

So much has changed in those years - and on the other hand so much has stayed the same.

Our love has grown stronger with each (sometimes difficult) day and we’ve been blessed with a very special boy - now a young man, about to turn eighteen and who has done us proud.

Our wedding was a special day, filled with family and friends.  Sadly, many of those who shared our day have passed on or drifted off in one way or another.  It happens.  We need to be grown up about these things and accept them.

But, although times change, I count my blessings every day.  I found my soul-mate, my partner in crime, and every challenge we have thrown at us is met with a smile and a shrug because we know we’ll cope.

While other things may change around me, I know I have my one constant - my best friend and husband.

 The Misfits

 Mummy Misfit and Baby No Name!
(and no, that's not my bum - it's a supporting cushion!)

Cover Story - featuring Michelle Betham

Today I'm handing over to my friend and fellow Indie, Michelle Betham, as she'd like to tell us all about an exciting new development on her writing journey.

Michelle writes "books for the beach - pure escapism, total fantasy; mainly (very!) sexy, but sometimes humorous, contemporary romance." 

If you haven't tried her books yet, why not?  Some are girlie, fluffy, funny chicklit and some are pretty hot and steamy - all of them have given me many hours of entertainment and they come highly recommended.

So ... over to Michelle.

"Striker re-launches with a brand new cover!

To mark the imminent release of Extra Time, book two in my sexy soccer trilogy, I’ve decided to re-launch Striker – book one in the series – but this time, with a brand new cover! Why? Well, I have my reasons… Let me explain…

Book covers – an important part of the whole writing process? You bet it is! And when I first started out on this writing journey of mine I don’t think I realised just how important they really are. They’re the first thing a person sees when they’re looking for something new to read, and if that cover doesn’t catch their eye then it’s probably highly unlikely that they’ll stop to check out the blurb. How many potential readers could you lose if the cover of your book doesn’t make them sit up and take notice?

Is this the reason why I decided to change the cover for Striker, my steamy soccer romance? In a way. But it wasn’t actually my idea. I was quite happy with the original cover, you see. I liked it. It reminded me of those Jilly Cooper books I’ve read and loved – you know the ones, Riders, Rivals, Polo… But then my ever-sensitive husband kindly (I use that word loosely, in this case) pointed out that I’m no Jilly Cooper (I kind of knew that already) and that it didn’t really matter what she put on the covers of her books, they’d sell anyway. I don’t have that luxury. My name alone doesn’t sell books, so I need to be able to grab readers’ attention in other ways. And an eye catching cover is one of them. I thought I had one in the original cover for Striker, but, after listening to my husband’s reasons as to why he thought I should change it, I realised he had a point.

The first thing that hit you in the face with the original cover was the image of a football/soccer ball. And if you’re someone who really dislikes football – and, let’s face it, there are many women out there who really dislike the sport, and my books are, predominantly, aimed at women – then that image of a football could, potentially, make people discard the book without even giving the blurb a second look. It could be giving people the complete wrong impression of what the book is actually about. I just didn’t realise that at first.

The original cover

 

Okay – the book is set against the backdrop of professional football, and the main characters are a footballer, a sports reporter, and a football manager. But – and this is a BIG but – the story is not about the sport itself. If you’re looking for a book about football, then you’re going to be disappointed because Striker is most definitely more about the sex than the soccer. I may be a football fan, but I still couldn’t tell you what the offside rule is, so this story really has very little to do with the sport. It’s a romance – a very sexy, sometimes very steamy romance, but a romance nonetheless. It’s more Footballers’ Wives than Match of the Day, and that’s what I needed to get across on the cover. Was the old one doing that for me? In hindsight, no, I don't think it was. Not really. Am I happy with the new cover? Definitely! I think it gets the feel of the story across a whole lot more, and I think, just from looking at the new cover, you know just what kind of book you’re getting. I’ve playfully dubbed this trilogy “Fifty Shades of Football”,  so that tells you something about the content right there.

Never judge a book by its cover? I’m one who agrees with that old adage, yes. But, in the literal sense, that’s exactly what people do. They judge books by their covers, whether we like that idea or not. And I’m learning, with each new book that I write, just how important a good, eye catching cover can be. Only time will tell whether I’ve made the right choice second time around with Striker."

The brand new, sexy cover.

You can find all of Michelle's books on Amazon or Kobo.
You can follow her on Twitter @michellebetham and read her blog here.

The Sound of Silence

On Sunday, we saw a band of people get together to create #twittersilence in protest against the spate of abuse, bomb and rape threats directed at female writers, journalists and politicians.

I don't condemn anyone if that was what they chose to do - your Twitter, your opinion, your life, your way of dealing with things.

But it wasn't for me.  I just don't get the idea of being silent.  I don't get what it was hoping to achieve.  Especially as a minute past midnight some of those who had chosen to take part came back with more tales of the above threats.

Doesn't silence mean we're giving into the these sad, lowlife losers who get their kicks from trolling and threatening?  Doesn't silence equal fear?  Isn't that exactly what those people want?

I understand that changes need to be made - no one should be allowed to make another person's life a misery through fear or stalking - I get that.  But this isn't about introducing an 'abuse button' on Twitter - which I think will end up being the most 'abused button' ever.  This is about making sure that threats, lies, hounding and stalking are taken seriously and dealt with swiftly. With Twitter I would imagine that, now they've recruited so many new members of staff, it's a fairly straightforward process but we also need to consider the saddos who make it their life's work on other platforms such as blogs.  Temporary IP addresses (VPM's) need to be denied to private individuals - it's an oversight that will lead to further mischief and abuse.  Why should any honest, decent person need to shroud their internet activities if they have nothing to hide?  Why should that be an option?

I haven't been threatened and I hope I never will but I know what it's like to have someone so wound up by your very existence that they feel they have to keep trying to stick the knife in - where they just don't want to let it lie, move on and get on with their own life.

It's annoying - in the same way as a fly you want to swat or a constant dripping tap - but it's also intriguing.  What have I done to upset my own stalker so much?  What's their real problem with me?  I know it's not someone who knows me in real life - although they like to pretend that they do - so why do they feel that they need to spend so much time on following my every move and condemning me for it?

The facts are these:

*We sent our son to private school - big deal!
*We struggled to keep him there when our circumstances changed but we did it and we're proud.  It was worth every minute of the worry.
*He suffered from school phobia - a very REAL condition - which, with our support,  he overcame.
*He was not bullied - EVER.
*We appeared on 'This Morning' and in 'The Daily Mail' to help other kids - I met with three other families face-to-face and had email contact with many others who thanked us for highlighting this condition.
*I write popular chicklit novels - two of which are based on my observations of certain types of mothers and show them up for what they are, in a tongue and cheek manner. Most of my reviews are 5* - nuff said.
*I made good friends with parents at my son's prep school and his secondary school.  The decent ones!
*I am a size 38C bust and I wear size 12 jeans - I'm not fat or skinny.  I am most definitely not 'corpulent'!
*I eat chocolate and crisps!  Who doesn't?  Unless of course you're a lettuce leaf sniffer as featured in the Mummy Misfit books.
*I smoke - disgusting but true.  Not a cheap brand though - cos I ain't a cheap kinda gal!
*My kitchen is painted in 'Tapestry Thread' - a period colour. Not nicotine or menstrual.
*My family - those close to me - and my friends, are incredibly proud of me.  I don't embarrass anyone. It's far worse to go around leaving 'anon' comments on blogs - does my stalker proudly tell their family and friends what they've done? Being a writer is a massive achievement - being an anonymous bully is not.
* I am very happily married - I love, live with and laugh with my soul mate. I count my lucky stars every single day that I'm married to such a wonderful man.

So that's me, in a nutshell.  The me that drives someone nuts!  They've been reported and I will track them down and shut them up.  I don't publish their comments on my blog any more because that would give a voice to their lies.  But I always respond to them.

Because, in short, I won't be silenced.

Dear So and So ...

Another round of imaginary letters that I'd love to write but never will.  These are always such fun to do and are quite therapeutic as you get things off your chest.

Here goes:

Dear Employers of Young People
If you're offering an apprenticeship at a poxy £40 a week, please have the decency to send a one line email to tell your applicants if they haven't been successful.  That's all it takes and, frankly, it's rude not to.  Remember when you were starting out in your career?  It's a tougher world out there now and all these kids want is a chance or at least an acknowledgment.  Give them some hope that people are decent as they start out on life's journey.

Dear Old Age
You stink.  You rob people of their friends and siblings and then sneak in and continue to rob those left behind of their vibrancy and will to live.  Frankly, I want no part of you - I don't want to live a life of aching limbs and loneliness.

Dear Troll
I am so happy that you now appear to have a life.  Your daily comments were a bore and, with any luck, you are now taking literacy lessons to brush up on your spelling.  My 'ill-educated' scribblings earn me a living whereas your pointless rants get you nowhere.  Anonymity, when leaving comments on a blog, only shows you up for the sad loser you really are.
Dear Stalker
Sadly the above had to be crossed out and you needed to be upgraded to 'Stalker'. You haven't got a life at all, have you?  And there I was with such high hopes for you.   Try to enjoy your holiday in Thailand rather than focusing on me and my kitchen. Oh, and see my reply to you below.

Dear Mouse at the back of the radiator
I feel sorry for you trapped in there but what a bloody stupid place to go and hide!  There's a nice, humane trap waiting for you with a huge chunk of stinky cheese - if you just find your way out to that, I promise you I will set you free.  Your incessant scratching is driving me nuts and if you give birth in there I swear I'll call in the big guns.

Dear Brain
Thanks for putting me through the mill these last few weeks.  I don't think you realise that you are really only able to cope with one plot at a time - thank goodness you've finally settled on the right one.  Also, I'd appreciate it if, when it's bedtime, you shut down and go to sleep.  It's not the time to start telling me what should happen in Chapter Five or what the final line should be.

Dear Wandsworth Borough Council
 You are a bunch of a*ses and you will not beat me.  Do not put the wrong date on letters so that you can then tell me my mother is out of appeal time because I am on to you and you won't get away with it.  If my mother wants sheltered housing for the elderly, I'll fight you all the way and you will not pull the wool over my eyes.  Beware - I am like a dog with a bone if riled!

Dear Melon
Why?  Why would you do that to me?  I have always loved you and one minor slip-up with some parma ham has made me wonder if you will ever pass my lips again.  You made me suffer to the point where I Googled every symptom and discovered I could be dead within the week (!)  Lesson learnt: melon + parma ham = bad combination for me.
NB:  for those wondering why, the fat of the meat congeals and ferments the fruit.  Not nice.

Dear Hole in Roof
Well, you picked your moment didn't you?  Just as the heaviest rains of the year arrive was not ideal for us, really. We will beat you with buckets and towels and, if necessary, move ourselves one floor down.  Your gaping cavity will eventually be fixed and we will make sure it hurts - no anaesthetic for you.

Dear Agents and Publishers
I'm ready for you - where are you?  If you're looking for a hard working new writer with five books and a novella under her belt, and two new titles due out later this year, HERE I AM!  Go on, make me an offer I can't refuse!

All done and, I have to say, that's really set me up for the day.  Nothing like a good outburst to have you breathing a contented sigh, is there?  Go on.  Who would you like to write to and what would you say?

All my books can be found at Amazon UK here and .com here.  Or in paperback at Lulu.

Dear Kate ...

Dear Kate, (or any other new mum)

Firstly, congratulations. You're a mum for the first time and regardless of the spotlight being on you, you'll  be feeling like all new mummies - knackered and bewildered.

I only ever experienced those feelings once, nearly eighteen years ago, but watching your face as you left the security of your hospital room yesterday brought it all back to me.  It's an exciting and terrifying time - hugely rewarding, draining and a constant learning curve.

So here are Mummy Misfit's tips on surviving motherhood.

* He might be a real Prince but every son is a Prince to his mum.  Remember he's YOURS.  He's your precious bundle and what you say goes.  Spend time with him, get to know him, don't let people insist they have a piece of him.  He COULD be your only child - no one can predict that they'll have the 2, 3, 4 they want.  Cherish every minute as if he's your last baby.

*  If you want to breast feed, give it a go.  If you can't, don't beat yourself up.  Some can, some can't.  It's not a competition and you can only do what works for you and your baby.

* You'll sometimes feel like you don't have a clue what you're doing and everything you do is wrong.  You'll ask for advice and some of it will make sense but you'll still want to try to have a go at doing things your way.  Sometimes it will work, sometimes you'll stuff up and wish you took the advice.  That's part of being a mum.  Don't let people give you advice you don't want - tell them politely that you're fine.  Opinions can overload your thoughts to the point that you don't remember your own.

* There will be times that you're cross-eyed with tiredness.  I had a baby who liked to feed every hour on the hour for the first year of his life.  You'll get to the point where you think you can't cope.  You will.  You have no choice.  And it does come to an end.

*  Your body will do what it wants to do, in its own time so be kind to yourself and don't expect too much too soon.  What's wrong with a 'baby belly'?  Wear it with pride - it's much more attractive than the wrinkles and grey hairs they give you as they get older!

*  You'll never sleep the way you used to, pre-baby.  From those early sleepless nights you'll move on to  colic, teething, nappy rash, coughs and colds.  As a mum you develop a third ear - what was that noise?  Are they OK?  Then they grow up, refuse to go to bed, play loud music, go out on the town and leave you awake and worried. Your sleeping days are over!

*  He'll  bring out instincts in you that you had no idea you had.  You'll become a fighting, spitting tigress if you need to.  Only a mum can know this and it will surprise you the first time it happens.

* Your husband is your best friend and ally. Don't fight one another when you're both tired because you both want the same thing - a happy baby and a good night's sleep!  Keep talking and, when you can, have a giggle.

* You'll think that every mum is doing a better job than you.  They're not - every baby is different so if your best friend's baby is sleeping through the night at six weeks, big deal.  Your baby's the best, and you know it!

*  One minute he'll be snuggled on your lap and  the next he'll be a strapping lad with thoughts of his own.  You won't believe the speed with which that happens.  For a while, it passes slowly then ... woosh, they're an adult.

There you go - my Misfit tips on motherhood.  I may have only had one baby, but the feelings are the same and if just one of my thoughts goes on to give a new mummy an ounce of comfort, I'll be happy.

Above all, enjoy your time and sleep whenever you can - that final piece of advice is one I never took.  Why would I want to sleep when I had a lovely baby boy to look at?

Facing the Critics

I learnt in the week that there are some writers who never read their reviews.  I find that really odd!

Now I can see that if you avoid looking at them, you never get upset by the people who don't like your offerings but then you'd never get to see the praise from those who do, would you?

As a writer, I love to know that someone has enjoyed one of my books or that I've made them laugh or cry - it makes my job worthwhile and never fails to bring a smile to my face.  I'm fortunate enough to only have received a handful of bad reviews (so far - touch wood and all that malarkey!) and I have to admit they hurt for a little while but then I go on to remind myself that they are in the minority and you can't please everyone.

A couple of my funniest have been from someone who insists on buying all of my books and then slating them - why?  Give up on me! I'm clearly not writing the stuff that you want, so move on.  To call the characters in 'Stilettos and Stubble' bizarre, is just ... well, bizarre!  It's set in a drag club!  Would you have preferred nuns?!

Then we had the only ever 1* review for 'Diary of a Mummy Misfit', stating:

Plastic dummy
Sorry, I found this lady empty and rather sad, could not get into the story, I just wanted to redirect the girl into more important things! 

Erm ... it's chicklit!  It's about a mother at a school, finding her feet and making friends and enemies along the way.  Had I wanted to write about Mother Theresa and a pitiful orphanage or saving the rainforests, I would have done!

But enough about my reviews, I also spend a lot of time reading other authors' reviews too - it's part of the job and helps me to see what chicklit readers like and dislike. I can assure you, there are some truly nasty people out there.  Let me share some of my findings with you (without revealing the authors' or reviewers' names)

*  there are a good number of readers who will download a book when it's free - knowing full well that it's not their usual genre - and then give it a 1* review because it's 'chicklit'.  Rude!  Very, very rude!

* Then we have the ones who loathe a book so much they have to give the whole plot away to spoil it for any future readers.  Amazon insist that no spoilers are given but they will turn a blind eye and ignore anyone who complains to them.  I once spent many hours on the phone and writing emails to try to get a friend's spoiler review removed  - to no avail.

* An odd category here - the readers who purchase a book and then give it 1* saying, 'Haven't had time to read but I'm sure I will enjoy this book.'  What the?  With one fleeting sentence, you've brought a writer's ratings down because of your stupidity.

* People will also get on their high horse about prices of celebrity books.  I've seen many 1* reviews for books that were 'Far too pricey to buy. Not lining their pockets!'  OK, I agree celebs are flooding the market with overpriced tat but it's the publishers who set the price and to leave a review based on that is just wrong.

* I once saw a review for a book that had obviously been purchased second hand on Amazon and the buyer gave the author a 1* because the book 'was bent and smelly'!  Had I been that author I would have had to leave a comment or at least found where the person lived and slapped them with a frozen lettuce.

* There is one charming young lady on Amazon who only EVER leaves 1* reviews.  Clearly the right book has never been written for her!  Frustrated writer, maybe?

* Many readers will happily download free or affordable Indie works and then write review after review about how much the book needed a 'good editor'.  Do they ever stop and think why they're getting a bargain read?  Indies have to price their books to sell - we are swimming in a sea of anonymity and we need to do everything in our power to get our books flying from the virtual shelves.  That means a realistic price which doesn't allow for the luxury of a professional editor.  Capish?  Yes, mistakes can slip through but nobody's perfect - not even the top publishing houses.

So there you go, my thoughts and findings on reviews and reviewers.  If you're an avid reader and have loved a book, do you leave glowing reviews?  If you've read a book that you hate, do you just keep quiet? (like me! - I hate to diss somebody's baby)

Next time you read a book that you love, leave a few lines at Amazon.  It makes us writers smile and as I always say, 'Your words help to sell mine.'