Last week’s ‘Open House’ blog was so popular I thought I’d continue with the daft theme this week and invite more questions from Twitter friends.
Here goes - a mixed bag again.
If you could go back in time to the day you were born, what would you tell your parents?
Firstly I’d apologise to my mum for the pain of childbirth and then I’d tell them both not to worry about me - I’ll be a sensible girl and do OK with my life. And I might add (for my own safety) “Try to stop my older sisters dropping (or chucking) me downstairs”. It makes a sibling feel unloved!
What would you change about yourself?
I’d love to stop being a worrier, give up smoking and have a new bladder. One glass of wine and I need to pee - two and I’m in agony.
What’s the most stupid thing you did in the name of love.
I wasted ten years on the wrong man because I was too much of a coward to go solo. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I saw the light.
If you could pull a Christmas cracker with anyone dead or alive (but not husband or son) who would it be?
That’s an easy one! It would be my lovely dad. He died when I was eighteen and I didn’t get to pull enough crackers with him. He always made Christmas so special and I miss him every day.
Also, how brilliant are penguins??!!
They are so brilliant my son has a collection of approximately 150 stuffed ones, plus badges, buttons, and ornaments. He developed an obsession with Pingu and it grew from there. Thankfully, he has now stopped. I’m often told I’m too black and white in my thinking but as, @mark747eagle pointed out to me last week, nothing is so clear cut - even penguins have yellow feet!
How many times do you swear in a day?
Now this is a tricky one because my in-laws read this! If I’m totally honest - a lot at the moment as things are a bit stressful in the Misfit household. Hubbie and I like to shock one another with a stream of the worst just for a laugh. I also make up swear-words, usually when driving. If someone doesn’t give way to me, they’re a ‘stinking great snot bubble’. My son is sixteen and has never sworn (apart from an accidental ‘shit’ at about two) - he thinks it’s unnecessary and, deep down, I agree with him.
What would you like Santa to leave in your stocking this year?
Well I know he’s leaving me a gorgeous pair of knee high leather boots because I’ve bought them myself (from my mum) but I’d love a Kindle, a complete new wardrobe of clothes and more boots - I love boots. I might get a satsuma!
If you couldn’t write, what would you do for a creative outlet?
I dabble in most crafts - knitting, card making, ceramic painting but I also love to host themed dinner parties for my mad friends - I take lots of care in co-ordinating my table and I plan mad games and tasks. I also play Guitar Hero with son and hubbie - I’m always the singer and, at the time, I reckon I’m pretty hot. I’m probably not!
Is there anything in life you couldn’t forgive or do you continue to hate?
I believe I’m a forgiving person but, if somebody seriously harmed a loved-one, I would be unable to find forgiveness in my heart and I would do everything in my power to hunt them down.
And can you name all the flowers that are out in your garden at the moment?
I live in a London townhouse so I have the typical tiny courtyard garden. It’s very secluded as it’s surrounded in Pyracantha - lovely white flowers for the bees in the summer and red berries for the birds in winter. The rest of my garden is in tubs so I have the remainder of my summer blooms - Hydrangea, Busy Lizzies etc. Phew, that felt like a botany lesson.
And now for the humdinger!
Given the state of the global economy is it acceptable to have a tortoise as a pet?
I have serious concerns for this twitterer’s mental health but will answer anyway! I think a tortoise is an excellent choice of pet during these hard times. They are cheap to keep and cost nothing whilst in hibernation. Handy hint - NEVER drill a hole through their shell and thread elastic through them. My dad did it to mine because he kept ‘running’ away! (A) it hurts them and (B) if they do go too far, they ping back!
So there you go. I never said it would be sane or normal but it’s nearly Christmas and we all need a bit of a laugh. Hope you enjoyed.
‘Diary of a Mummy Misfit’ is on Amazon for Kindle and on Lulu in paperback. ‘The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit’ will be released the week of 12th December.