Putney Summer Fair

Those who follow my blog will know that I lost my mum last year and wanted to find a way to celebrate her life.  As a Putney resident for most of her life and a volunteer for Age UK's Be-A-Friend scheme (even in her 80's!) I decided that supporting Age UK, Wandsworth would be the most fitting way to pay tribute to her.

Last year's Vintage Evening was a massive success - you can read all about it here - and it spurred me on to hold a Summer Fair this Saturday 22nd July and a 50's Evening in November.

Years of organising school events has given me the experience but going solo has been a real learning curve.  Basically I need about 3 carbon copies of myself and Mr Misfit, along with the lovely friends who have volunteered their services on the day.

I'm feeling quietly confident, a tad frazzled, excited and terrified - all in equal measures.  I'm also doing regular sun-dances to ward off any threatening clouds.

So, if you're a Putney resident pop along and introduce yourself to the wild-eyed, manic one - I may well be in the bar!

 

Cold-shouldering Cold-callers

I've chewed up and spat out not one but two cold callers this week.  I’m still not sure what they hope to gain from their scams and I also don’t know why they’re always Asian sounding gentlemen who go by the name of Mike, John, Robert or Dick.

Let me talk you through cold caller #1

MIKE:  (with very heavy accent)  Good morning Madam, I am calling regarding the car accident you had.

ME:  Car accident?

MIKE:  Yes Madam. You have had a road traffic accident?

ME:  Oh!  Yes!  Yes, the cow just came out of nowhere.

MIKE: (confused)  No, madam, not a cow.  A car.

ME:  Yes.  I hit a cow with my car.

MIKE: (in shock)  You hit a cow with your car?

ME:  (innocently) Isn’t that why you were ringing?  Doesn’t it show on your records?

MIKE:  (blatantly lying now) Oh yes, madam, but did you make an insurance claim?

ME:  No.  I didn’t think there was much point in suing a dead cow.

MIKE:  (very confused now)   Have you had any other accidents in the last five years?

ME:  (thinking)   Erm … oh wait … oh yes!  I hit another cow.

MIKE:  (incredulously)  You hit another cow?!

ME:  Yes.  I don’t like cows very much.

CUE husband doing a huge MOOOOOOO in the background and me shouting out:

WATCH OUT!  HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!

CUE:  Mike hanging up as he realises he’s been taken for a ride.

Cold caller #2

ROB: (heavy accent again)   Good morning Madam I am calling from ***** *** ** Computer Services. We understand that you are currently experiencing difficulties with your PC and if you follow our instructions we will be able to solve your problems.

ME:  (sounding like a simpleton)  Oh yes, how clever of you.  I have been having problems.  Will you be able to help me?

ROB:  (obviously rubbing his hands together thinking he’s got a right Dumbo)  Yes, Madam.  Now you must follow my instructions very carefully.  Turn on your computer.

ME:  OK.  Erm … how should I do that?  Should I lick it maybe, or stroke it?  Maybe whisper some dirty words?  What do you think would work best?

ROB:  (clearly thinking he’s misheard)  No Madam, turn it on.

ME:  Yes, I heard you.  I asked which method I should use.  Licking?  Stroking?  Which?

ROB:  (realising that he’s being wound up)   You know what, Madam?  If your computer is playing up you should throw it out of the window.  Can you do that?

ME:  Well yes.  I did that this morning.  So does that mean I have to go outside to lick it now?  That’s jolly inconvenient you know.

ROB:  (really warming to it now)   Yes, Madam go outside and smash it up with your legs.

ME:  Oh, Rob!  How saucy! Are you thinking about my legs?  My thighs?

CUE:  Rob hanging up.

Ah yes, fun with cold callers.  My improv days at drama school were clearly not wasted.

You can see my other blog on this subject here.

In Celebration of the Teen

The teen will turn 19 on Thursday, so last night saw us enjoying the first of many celebrations.  We got together with his best friend from primary school - before he heads back to Uni tomorrow - his parents and sister, an old family friend and another of the teen's pals from secondary school.

The theme was 'Curry & Games' and, as usual, we had a ball.

We'd just recently been given a John Lewis voucher for our anniversary so we splashed out on new china and cutlery.  I think our black and white themed table looks pretty glam.

Our dining table had to get ditched in the garden as it's not big enough for nine guests.

This is our ping pong table glammed up by a damask cloth my Dad acquired as an antique dealer.

I'm ready to party.

Still hating the new hair.

As the current obsession in the Misfit House is 'Breaking Bad'

we ordered a rice paper cake topper from eBay for his chocolate birthday cake.

The 'cooking' reference comes from the series!

He was pretty impressed.

Once the meal was over we started on the games.  The Misfits are well known for the daftness of our parties and, thankfully, our guests are always willing participants.

We started with 'A word from a Song' - this involved single words on a piece of paper, picked from a hat and then we each had to sing a line from a song containing that word.  E.g: LOVE - 'She Loves You' or 'Love, Love me Do.'  The aim of the game is to find as many as possible containing the word.

Then we moved on to 'Paper Art'  - we picked a category such as 'animals' or 'things you find in the kitchen' and we each had to tear a piece of A4 paper into the shape of our chosen object.  We were surprised at how many cats and giraffes we had.  Then we had the lazy man's effort of 'a puddle of milk' for 'found in the kitchen'!

Next was 'Alphabet Story'  - we began at a random point in the alphabet and told a story line by line with each person starting the next line with the next letter of the alphabet. E.g:  Amanda went shopping.  But the shops were closed. 'Can't think what to do,' she said.

The game we played for the longest was 'Keep it going' - the teen would find a well known song on his iPod and we would start to sing along with it.  One example was 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.  While we were singing, he would suddenly turn it down so that we were unable to hear it and we had to keep singing to see if we were at the same point on the track when he turned it back on.  Much fun and laughter was had by all, and I have to say we didn't do too badly.

This then led onto 'Joint Bongos' with the teen and his friend taking half a bongo each and bashing out tunes while we danced - quite a lot!

Action shot!

Their hands were moving so fast, they're a blur!

I can't believe that these are the two boys who used to camp on the floor.

Fine young men to be proud of and a joy to spend time with.

And from our boys, I gained a best friend.

(and also a Goddaughter - not pictured)

A sneaky ciggie in the snow, 13 years ago, and we're still going strong.

'You had me at the snow!'

Ugh!

The worst part of a dinner party - the clearing up.

 

Mr Misfit and other menfolk were at the party but we seem to be short on photos - which, when it came to the dancing, is probably just as well!

 

We had a fabulous time and were all feeling a little exhausted this morning.  Now ... on to his actual birthday on Thursday.  But first, sleep.

"I went to a Marvellous Party"!

I'm 50 tomorrow and boy, do I feel it right now!  Weeks of preparation leading up to my party last night and two full-on days of catering have left me feeling like a geriatric.  Forget the sore head this morning, it was my poor feet that were suffering - part toil, part endless dancing.

But ... I had the BEST time and learned some lessons along the way:

1.  NEVER be over ambitious with food.  Tiny morsels of interesting canapes may look delicious and enticing but they take forever and should always be left to professional caterers.  At one point I wanted to suffocate myself under a pile of mozzarella and basil. At four o'clock (when I hit meltdown) son was calmly making food and telling me, 'No tears, Mum - only dreams!'  I wanted to kill him but he was invaluable so I refrained.

We made a few dozen different types of canapes served to 

guests by my son and Goddaughter. 

This is the tiniest selection of what was on offer.

A lot went in the bin!

2.  Teens are in your house for a reason.  They have very young legs, learn quickly and are great for doing all those jobs you don't have time to do or have lost the will to live for.  I have to say MASSIVE thanks to my hard-working son and Goddaughter.  We would never have coped without you.

Dancing with my Goddaughter.

No pics with my son as he was too busy being DJ!

3.  My husband is the best.  OK, I knew that all along but the work he put into my party just proved it even more so.  In the early hours of Saturday morning he was out securing our gazebo against the gales so that we didn't lose it or the decorations he'd worked so hard on.  None of our guests could believe that it had stayed in place through the severe London weather and that although we lost a hefty tree and our aerial came adrift from the roof, our structure survived!

My Bedouin tent - complete with chandelier!

Hubbie making his speech.

4. Cats will put up with anything. This picture was taken with music pounding through the speaker as he sits and watches the dancers, but he looks like he doesn't have a care in the world!

5. Turning 50 doesn't mean that you become old and boring. Dance?  We never stopped and people left saying that it was one of the best parties they'd been to and how sore their feet were!

6.  My mum is amazing! At 86 and still recovering from a broken pelvis she did me proud and I love her so much.

7.  Twitter is the most surprising place.  After two years of talking to @Aurora_Therapy either on Twitter, on the phone, by email or text I felt as if I'd known her all my life.  Imagine how delighted I was when she said she was flying from Glasgow to London to be at my party!  It was the first time we'd ever met face to face and it was an instant connection - even hubbie and son said they felt like it was just an old friend coming into the house. Our shared love of fancy dress, partying, Barry Manilow and drag queens brought us together and we hit it off instantly.  Also huge thanks to Andy, another Twitter buddie who came along - we have to put that date in our diary!

Twitter Love!

8.  When you're meeting a Twitter pal for the first time and you know they have a SERIOUS obsession with Noel Edmonds, you have to make sure 'he's' there.  Maybe not in person but a mask will do!  I won't blog her reaction but it was hilarious and would need to be bleeped.  She was a little out of sorts for quite a while afterwards!

 Look at the love on that face!

8.  Clearing up takes FOREVER!  My house is now clean but I'm sick of finding jars of olives in the cat food cupboard or serving dishes in the office. Next time I'm 50 (!) I'm just giving everyone cheese and crackers.

So, I did it!  I partied in style. Thanks go to my mum, Robes, Ben, all my Ozzie family, Maddy, Linda, Elizabeth, Marylou, Lucinda, Mireille and Andy for all that you did to make it so special.  Also to another Twitter friend @DropDeadChocs who I do believe may have sent me something yummy.  Hubbie has either hidden it or had a secret chocolate party!

Being 50 rocks!

Fun with Cold Callers!

Are you sick of cold callers?  I know we in the Misfit House are - sick and tired of receiving calls from rather Asian-sounding gentlemen (and yes, they always have this accent) called Kevin Smith or Mike Jones!  I mean, really?

Before you all start saying ‘Well they have to make a living!’, I think you’ll find that they are shysters and what they’re doing is just a workaround for something that would be deemed illegal for a UK company -  would you defend them if they were robbing old ladies or sex-trafficking?  No.  I rest my case.

So we decided that instead of them driving us up the wall, we’d have a little bit of fun with them.

The teen deals with all the computer/technical calls - no, our computer is not running slow and we won’t give you remote access, what do you think we are, stupid?  He’s been known to tell them that his grandfather was Hitler, he’d like the caller to buy him an Audi and his postcode is 90210.  One of his favourites is to say in an Irish accident, ‘Did you hear dat Margaret T’atcher doied?’  This is usually the point at which the caller gives up.  We’ve also given him fake slaps and he’s yelped, ‘Mummy hit me!’ before hanging up.

I had great fun with ‘John Evans’ a few weeks ago.  Hubbie answered the phone and it was the usual, ‘We’re calling about the accident you had in your car last month’.  Hubbie said he needed to see someone to the door and would just be a few seconds.  We love to waste their time too.

Five minutes later, John Evans was still hanging on the line - clearly thinking he’d nabbed himself a sucker.

He got me - and this is how our call went.

ME: (in a teary voice) He-llo?

JOHN:  (with the trademark Indian accent) Good day to you, madam.

ME:  (even tearier and building into a bit of a crescendo)  No!  No, it’s not a good day!  How can you say it’s a good day when you’re telling me my husband’s had an accident?  He was with her again, wasn’t he?  Go on!  Tell me - I can take it.  (by this time I am sobbing uncontrollably)

JOHN:  Oh no, Madam.  Do not be upset.  I am here to help you.

ME:  (sniffing a little and then becoming flirty) Oh!  Oh, I like you.  What a nice man!  What colour underwear are you wearing?

JOHN:  (silence) …

ME:  (like a mad woman possessed) TELL ME!  What colour underwear?

JOHN - (with a nervous giggle) Are you meaning ‘underpants’?

ME:  (with a growl) YES!  You know damn well what I mean!

JOHN: (a cough and another giggle) Black.  I am wearing black, Madam.

ME: (screeching) BLACK?!  I HATE BLACK!  I want you to be wearing pink!  Do you love me?

JOHN:  (and yes, all this really did happen!) Oh, yes Madam!  I am loving you very much!

ME:  No you don’t, you men are all the same.  You’ve really upset me now.  It’s over - please don’t call me again.

JOHN: (silence and a nervy gulp)

ME:  (I hang up)

‘John Evans’ has never called back.