New release - it's been a while!

I know, I know it's been FOREVER since I brought out a new book but there are reasons for this which I'm unable to share for the moment.  As soon as I can, I will.  Promise.

Anyway, 'Half as Good as You' is now available for pre-order on Amazon and will hit your Kindle on 4th October.  The paperback version will be available shortly, once I decide whether to publish through Lulu or Amazon.

If you read it and love it, PLEASE leave a review  - your words help to sell mine.  If you've enjoyed any of my other books, I'd be really grateful for even a one line review.  They really DO make a difference.

Right ... here's the blurb ...

The day after discovering her husband’s infidelity, TV make-up artist Fizz finds herself knocked off her feet (quite literally!) by a passing stranger in the busy Covent Garden rush hour.  

Rescued by an elderly gentleman, an unusual friendship forms, a mystery lottery ticket appears and Fizz realises that she’d never really been as content in her marriage as she’d allowed herself to believe.

With the arrival of two new men on the scene, how long will it be before Fizz hits the jackpot?

And the links for UK Amazon

And USA Amazon 

Just £1.99 - less than a coffee and will last longer!

FUNKY FRIDAY - with Reviewer Kim (the Bookworm) Nash

Sorry for last week's FUNKY FRIDAY hiccup but I'm delighted to report that all is now back on track for the final few weeks of this feature.  Today I'd like you to give a warm welcome to my friend Kim Nash.  Kim has been a massive support to me over the years and it is with great pleasure that I chat to her here.

So Kim, what made you decide to start a book review blog?

When I was young, I always imagined myself having my own book publishing company where I got to read books all day, and say which ones were good enough to publish. If only it was that easy!

I read a book called Spring Affair by the wonderful Milly Johnson, I wrote to Milly and told her how fabulous, motivating and inspirational I found it. It was all about clutter clearing and made me immediately go and clear out my cupboards then look at different aspects of my life.  I suppose that moment was the instigating moment that made me decide to do this blog. I was doing a lot of things I wasn’t enjoying and losing myself in books was my escape.  Milly wrote back to me within an hour to thank me for my comments and I kept in touch with her a few times and suggested my idea to her and she told me to go for it.  She also recommended me to a couple of other authors so I was incredibly lucky to have her support.

Four years on, I have recently given up my job in sales and marketing and have set up on my own providing a marketing and publicity service to authors.  I never thought that this would be possible! I can honestly say that I am finally doing the job I was born to do!

For that, I am eternally grateful to Milly. She is a fabulous author and a wonderful lady and I’ll never be able to thank her enough for her kind words and encouragement.

What type of book keeps you turning the pages and up all night?

A book with a great storyline that I tend to lose myself in.  A book that is written well, where you can relate to the characters and quickly imagine the scenes.  There are so many of this type of book out there.  I am so very lucky to have been introduced to some authors that self-publish and some that are published by famous publishing housing.  There are so many incredible authors in the world and I’m so lucky that my hobby allows me to access to them.

As an avid reader and reviewer, would you ever put pen to paper yourself?

Not admitted this to many people but I absolutely would love to.  I did write something not long after I lost my mom.  My emotions were so raw at the time and I felt that I needed to write it down.  I keep threatening to drag out my old computer and find it and read it again, and maybe send it out to a few people to see what they think, although I know it will bring all those emotions out again.  Maybe one of these days ……

What type of books make you want to chuck them at the wall?

The only type of book that makes me want to throw it at a wall is when I get really frustrated by a storyline and find myself wanting to shout at the characters! I just get too involved.

How do you tactfully say you hated a book? Or do you say it as it is?

I have not yet (fortunately) had this happen! I think I would handle it by saying that it wasn’t the right type of book for me, so I’d rather not write a review.  Some people seem to think that they can read a book, then slag off the author and say they hated it.  Why they would go to that trouble I will never understand.  If they don’t like the book, then why don’t they move on.  Whether they like it or not, that author has put their heart and soul into their “baby” and they deserve respect from their readers.  Some people just need to get over themselves.  I don’t think there has ever been a book since I’ve been reviewing that I’ve never finished!

Is there one book you could read over and over again?

Noooooooooo! I could never read a book again because I’d know the ending! I can’t understand these people who read the end of a book before the beginning. I suppose the only type of book I’d read again would be a self-help that I would refer back to.

* * * *

See Kim's reviews on her blog or check out her Twitter or Facebook pages.

* * * NEWSFLASH * * *

This week sees the re-release of my friend Jamie Dougan's steamy football novel, 'Offside!' - it's currently #59 in the Sports section on Amazon for Kindle but don't let that put you off, ladies, it's a saucy romance set in the world of football - go on, give it a go.

The edit of my June release is well under way and I'm itching to get to the joint edit.  I have a stunning cover ready to be worked on and I'm getting just a tad excited.  Details of publication date to follow soon.

FUNKY FRIDAY - with Travel writer Jo Carroll

This week I'd like to introduce you to travel writer Jo Carroll, fresh back from Havana and hopefully full of ideas for her next book.  Don your fedora, strike up a Cuban cigar and stick a straw in your rum cocktail as I welcome her to share her passion.

"Thank you for inviting me onto your blog, Amanda – what a privilege it is to be here, among such wonderful people!"

'Bombs and Butterflies' is set in Laos - how much of this is based on personal experience and how long did it take you to research?

Bombs and Butterflies is an account of my travels in Laos – so the whole thing is based on personal experience. I talk about the wonderful people I met, and the courage of Laotians who are still struggling to recover from years of bombing. While the west had its back turned Laos became the most bombed country in the world. I spent much of my time there in awe of them and their capacity to put that behind them and embrace the future.

Dream time. What's your ultimate goal as a writer?

I simply want to carry on enjoying both writing and travelling. When it becomes a chore, then I’ll give up. But I can’t imagine a day when I give away my guidebooks and settle back with the telly.

Tell us about your ideal writing day. It can be as wild and far-fetched as you like!

Writing days at home are very different from writing days when I’m away.

When I’m travelling, I write whenever I stop – so in cafes, hotel rooms, bus stations, on trains – everywhere. It’s the only way to get down all the glorious details of where I am.

At home, I like to think I sit down and concentrate for hours – and sometimes I do.

Other days I potter with friends or read and tell myself I’m thinking about writing.

Describe yourself as a writer in five words.

Eclectic, versatile, … um … not sure I can think of more. Maybe ask my readers?

How do you deal with a bad review? Are you a sulker or a shrugger?

I’ve had only one ‘bad review’ - from someone who read Hidden Tiger Raging Mountain and didn’t like my discussion of social conditions in Nepal. After an initial huff I was fine with it, because he’d pointed to the aspect of the book that many had praised. He simply wasn’t into social observations.

What's next for you?

I have heap of notes on Cuba. Give me a month or two and I’ll tell all in another ebook!

QUICK FIRE ROUND

Planner or Winger?

I don’t fall neatly into either camp.

Night or Morning?

Middle of the day!

Doer or procrastinator?

It depends how you define procrastinate. Sometimes when I’m pottering the writing is swimming around my head anyway.

Writing/first draft or editing?

Both - if you want books to be the best they can possibly be, I think you have to enjoy both.

Tea or coffee?

Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon, wine in the evening!

Thanks, Jo, it's been a pleasure having you drop in!

You can buy Bombs and Butterflies and Jo's other travel books by visiting her website and following the links.

* * * NEWSFLASH * * *

Thanks to all of you who shared or promoted last week's free promotion of 'Lottie's Luck'.  It achieved unprecedented rankings and I've been delighted that it's popularity has continued with new readers putting their hands in their pockets and buying it ever since.  I've hit new sales records in each of the last three days, despite having had the lurgy - perhaps I should be ill more often! 

Hoorah! Another Book Launch Day!!

Today sees the release of my sixth full length novel - ‘Tabby & Kat’.

If you fancy a piece of giggly chicklit with a hint of mystery and a very cute parrot, then this is the book for you.

For those who missed it, here’s the blurb:

- ROOM TO RENT -

Fifteen minutes from here

in large, airy house with garden.

Mad enough to share with

fun loving party animals?

(1 male, 1 female, 1 parrot)

Things are changing for Tabby and Adam.

With their friend Polly leaving the 'Thunky Three’,

who will fill the void in their cosy house share?

Enter … Kat

... and a whole heap of trouble.

You can download your Kindle copy on Amazon NOW for just £1.97 here in the UK or at Amazon.com elsewhere.  Also available in paperback at Lulu.

Want to try before you buy? Use the 'Look Inside' feature on Amazon or read the first chapter I posted here.

Hope you enjoy!

Dear So and So ...

Another round of imaginary letters that I'd love to write but never will.  These are always such fun to do and are quite therapeutic as you get things off your chest.

Here goes:

Dear Employers of Young People
If you're offering an apprenticeship at a poxy £40 a week, please have the decency to send a one line email to tell your applicants if they haven't been successful.  That's all it takes and, frankly, it's rude not to.  Remember when you were starting out in your career?  It's a tougher world out there now and all these kids want is a chance or at least an acknowledgment.  Give them some hope that people are decent as they start out on life's journey.

Dear Old Age
You stink.  You rob people of their friends and siblings and then sneak in and continue to rob those left behind of their vibrancy and will to live.  Frankly, I want no part of you - I don't want to live a life of aching limbs and loneliness.

Dear Troll
I am so happy that you now appear to have a life.  Your daily comments were a bore and, with any luck, you are now taking literacy lessons to brush up on your spelling.  My 'ill-educated' scribblings earn me a living whereas your pointless rants get you nowhere.  Anonymity, when leaving comments on a blog, only shows you up for the sad loser you really are.
Dear Stalker
Sadly the above had to be crossed out and you needed to be upgraded to 'Stalker'. You haven't got a life at all, have you?  And there I was with such high hopes for you.   Try to enjoy your holiday in Thailand rather than focusing on me and my kitchen. Oh, and see my reply to you below.

Dear Mouse at the back of the radiator
I feel sorry for you trapped in there but what a bloody stupid place to go and hide!  There's a nice, humane trap waiting for you with a huge chunk of stinky cheese - if you just find your way out to that, I promise you I will set you free.  Your incessant scratching is driving me nuts and if you give birth in there I swear I'll call in the big guns.

Dear Brain
Thanks for putting me through the mill these last few weeks.  I don't think you realise that you are really only able to cope with one plot at a time - thank goodness you've finally settled on the right one.  Also, I'd appreciate it if, when it's bedtime, you shut down and go to sleep.  It's not the time to start telling me what should happen in Chapter Five or what the final line should be.

Dear Wandsworth Borough Council
 You are a bunch of a*ses and you will not beat me.  Do not put the wrong date on letters so that you can then tell me my mother is out of appeal time because I am on to you and you won't get away with it.  If my mother wants sheltered housing for the elderly, I'll fight you all the way and you will not pull the wool over my eyes.  Beware - I am like a dog with a bone if riled!

Dear Melon
Why?  Why would you do that to me?  I have always loved you and one minor slip-up with some parma ham has made me wonder if you will ever pass my lips again.  You made me suffer to the point where I Googled every symptom and discovered I could be dead within the week (!)  Lesson learnt: melon + parma ham = bad combination for me.
NB:  for those wondering why, the fat of the meat congeals and ferments the fruit.  Not nice.

Dear Hole in Roof
Well, you picked your moment didn't you?  Just as the heaviest rains of the year arrive was not ideal for us, really. We will beat you with buckets and towels and, if necessary, move ourselves one floor down.  Your gaping cavity will eventually be fixed and we will make sure it hurts - no anaesthetic for you.

Dear Agents and Publishers
I'm ready for you - where are you?  If you're looking for a hard working new writer with five books and a novella under her belt, and two new titles due out later this year, HERE I AM!  Go on, make me an offer I can't refuse!

All done and, I have to say, that's really set me up for the day.  Nothing like a good outburst to have you breathing a contented sigh, is there?  Go on.  Who would you like to write to and what would you say?

All my books can be found at Amazon UK here and .com here.  Or in paperback at Lulu.

Hop on by, Katie!

An extra blog this week because I need a rant - and we all know that the Misfit needs to vent her spleen every now and again.

Remember, you heard it here first - I would lay my last penny on the vile and obnoxious Katie Hopkins of ‘The Apprentice’ fame announcing a book deal soon.

There can quite simply be no other reason for her outburst and subsequent exposure - we had it with Samantha Brick and we’re being groomed again now.

For those who are not aware of the history, Ms. Hopkins appeared on ‘This Morning’ earlier this week and declared that she won’t let her children play with kids with ‘common’, unusual or geographical names. I refuse to give the YouTube link or any related articles as I don’t want to drive more traffic her way - unless of course it’s an out-of-control articulated lorry!

Not quite sure that she completely stands by her views as, ironically, her children are called India, Poppy and Maximillian. Go figure!

But apparently children who are not given traditional names such as Harry, Sophie or Emily come from ‘stupid’ parents.  These children are always late for school, don’t complete their homework and are not allowed to be around Katie’s little darlings.  Sweeping generalisation, huh?

This from the woman who has shown herself up by not being able to spell synchronicity in a tweet and is unable to use an apostrophe correctly: ‘It isn't just the child's name is it? It is the manner in which it's mother yells it across the playground.’  Sloppy homework, huh?

What’s that about intelligence, Katie?

Not annoyed enough by this witch?  Try this.  Any mums out there with ginger children?  One of her tweets this morning stated,

‘Ginger babies.  Like a baby, just so much harder to love'.

We might expect this from the likes of Frankie Boyle but not from a so called ‘loving mother'.

She has continued to post tweet after provocative tweet this morning and is making herself look like a demented woman who has lost the plot.

But more likely she’s stirring up the hornet’s nest of public opinion before she hits us with her ‘bestseller'.

I’d do anything to get a book deal, to get my works out there to the reading masses - but nobody could ever pay me to be hated.  Which in effect is what she’s doing by compromising any dignity she might once have had.

So, I wish her well.  If there is a book it will no doubt go to #1 in a flash, but hopefully disappear just as quickly ... along with her.  If there isn’t, I hope she gets the professional help she needs.

Rant over.  As you were …

If you want to read about a NICE mummy who battles with the NASTY mummies, check out my Mummy Misfit books here.

Wetting Lottie's Head

Last night I was treated to a book launch dinner at our close friends' house.

As one of themes of 'Lottie's Luck' is her dog walking business (hence the foot attire which features on the cover),  I was highly amused to arrive for the evening to see wellie wearers!

Of course the evening had to begin with the teens playing with the dog in the garden.

I was given some beautiful flowers but I looked dreadful in every photo of me holding them so I won't share with you.  Suffice it to say they were pink, yellow and cream roses.

Instead, here I am proudly showing off my book with friends (our husbands were too busy gossiping)

A well deserved glass of wine.

Hubbie and friend

God-daughter engrossed in the new book.

First book she's read in years and she took it off to bed with her!

Me with my boy and my new 'Lottie's Luck' balloon.

The decor was pink and white with bunting, pom-poms and 

toadstool fairylights.

We had thai green curry and this was the remains of the offending

chili which rendered me speechless for ten minutes.

Delicious Eton Mess

(but I opted for the chocolate tart and some very stinky cheese)

Looking very smug!

We had party poppers and champagne blowers.

I always seem to end up decorated with the poppers innards!

It was great to have the teens there - they did disappear to do their own thing but not before we had a game of 'Would I Lie To You?'  What a great bunch of liars we are - we all fell for my friend's story about how she was poked in the face with a Mars bar which appeared from a hedge she was passing!  But rather worryingly, we had hoped that my God daughter's story was a lie but it turned out that it wasn't.  She said she was about five and walking along the road holding Daddy's hand but suddenly she found she was holding an old lady's hand and not Daddy's!  'Daddy' got in a bit of trouble from 'Mummy' for that one last night!

Another 'lie' from my son had us chuckling.  He said he was about seven and in a playground at the park when a swan chased him out, pecking at his bum.  Now, I am infamously known as the most paranoid mother ever to walk this earth so one question from my friend's husband, 'Where was Mummy when this happened?' revealed the lie.  Son answered, 'She was at the coffee shop.'  ''Nope!' Friend's husband answered. 'Not Amanda!  Would never have happened!'

When I revealed that I had once had a wee in one of the guests' gardens when he was out, they all said I was lying. It was, in fact ... the truth!  Bear with and I'll tell you why before you judge me.  Said friend lives in a huge house in the middle of the country and we were on our way to his son's wedding reception which involved passing the house.  We'd been stuck in traffic for ages and I was desperate - no pubs, no secluded bushes anywhere.  Now I know this friend often leaves his front door unlocked so we pulled into his driveway in hope.  Locked!  I was near to tears now, so I sneaked to the side of the house and weed in his bushes, accompanied by his very confused cat.  The friend said he will never look at the yellow patch of grass in the same way again.

So, 'Lottie's Luck' was launched in style with good friends, fine wine, yummy food and bucket loads of laughter.  I can't wait til December for the next one.

My new novel can be found at Amazon UK and Amazon.com - only £1.97 for Kindle - or in paperback at Lulu.

COMPETITION TIME!

As the London snow starts to melt and 'Blue Monday' has passed us by, I've decided to spread a little happiness on the blog this week.

January is a cruel and long month.  I personally like nothing better than curling up with a cup of tea, some chocolate biscuits and a good book.  Now I can't provide you with the tea and biscuits but I might be able to help you with your own reading material.

Would you like to win a Kindle compatible copy of one of my books to help pass some chilly hours?

I'll be running this competition until Tuesday 29th January 8pm (UK) and my son will pick the winner based on the answer he thinks is the best.

SO ... take a look at my books below and then tell me which one you'd like and why you feel you should win the prize.  You can leave your answers here, on Facebook, Twitter or by email.

The winner will be announced on next week's blog - and don't forget you don't need a Kindle.  You can read on  PCs, Smartphones or iPads with a free app from Amazon.

CHOOSE FROM THE FOLLOWING:

Ever felt like you don't belong?

When Libby Marchant and husband Ned made the monumental decision to sacrifice luxuries and holidays to see their only son Max through private education, they hadn’t expected to meet so many unsavoury and dislikeable personalities along the way.

Happily, the cruel jibes of the pompous ‘Meemies’ are made more tolerable by the lasting and loyal friendship they strike up with the affluent Fenella & Josh.

Follow Libby’s journey as she discovers the chasm between the Haves and the Have-Nots in her mad new world of school committees, designer handbags, bitching and botox.

With Fenella by her side, Libby is able to maintain her sanity. But what happens when the credit crunch bites, you’re desperate for another baby and your Asian neighbour is trying to match-make you with her infatuated son?

 

 

 

THE SEQUEL TO 'DIARY OF A MUMMY MISFIT'

Think you knew Mummy Misfit?

Well, you might be in for a surprise.

After a year of struggling with school fees, trying to become pregnant and feeling like she didn’t belong amongst the prep-school ‘Meemies’, Libby is back.

Only this time, she’s got it all.

But how long can it last and will she ever be truly happy?

Join Libby on her hilarious, yet sensitive journey as loyalty, friendships and values are tested in
‘The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit’.  

 

Middle aged and middle-of-the-road, Fee Crawford has been drifting through life in a passionless marriage and hurtling towards the menopause.

With her twin boys grown up and needing her less, why does she still feel incomplete?

Coping with her elderly dad, increasingly distant husband and flighty best friend, Cordelia, her life seems to be spiralling out of control.

Will a chance meeting with a handsome vet be the missing link to make everything fall into place? A tale of families, love and mid-life crisis. 

 

 

 

All her life Persephone’s been branded a ‘Big Girl’.

Criticised by her outwardly perfect mother, dearly loved by her father, she’s the
‘Queen of Low Self-Esteem’.

Finding herself suddenly immersed in a world of glitz and glamour, where nothing is quite as it seems, will she finally realise ...

... ‘It’s what’s inside that counts’? 

THIS BOOK IS A SHORT READ OF ABOUT 21,000 WORDS AND ALSO FEATURES THE FIRST CHAPTER OF 'STILETTOS & STUBBLE'

It’s that time of year again and the Willoughby family think they’ve got everything wrapped up.

Each concealing their own issues, they return to widowed mum Maggie to play at happy families.

But an unexpected delivery challenges their perceptions of one other - and of themselves.

Grab a mulled wine, snuggle up by the fire and share a family Christmas with a difference.

Because Christmas doesn’t always deliver what you want - but sometimes it might be just what you need.

PRAISE FOR THE AUTHOR:

‘Gems like this speak to your heart head and funny bone’
(The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit)

‘A good, well-written slice of British chicklit’
(Diary of a Mummy Misfit)

‘Essential reading for any mother at any stage of motherhood’
(Diary of a Mummy Misfit)

‘A superb knack of putting vivid images in your head with her fabulous writing style’
(Completing the Puzzle)

‘I feel her pain, I laugh when she laughs and I cry when she cries’
(The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit)

‘A story which is not only laugh-out-loud funny, it's also touching’
(Diary of a Mummy Misfit)

 

 

'Stilettos & Stubble' is Officially Launched!

‘Stilettos & Stubble', my new romcom novel was officially launched on Saturday and we set it off on its literary journey in style.

THE CAST

Me - well I kind of had to be there.

Hubbie - he always insists on an invite!

  

Three close friends who have supported me in so many ways in my writing career - the lovely lady in the photos is my sounding board, proof-reader and general partner in oh-so-many crimes.

Wearing tiaras in an unusual fashion.

 THE PRODUCTION

Our kitchen/dining area needed to be transformed into ‘The Gossamer Glove’ - feathers, sparkles, lights and PINK provided the theme.

 Feather boas where resurrected from drawers and put to good use as a chandelier and welcome archway.

My customised drink mats - I made them by covering with personalised wrapping paper bought from eBay.

 My totally camp centre-piece made from flowers from Poundland and sparkling lights from Asda.

(à la Misfit!)

  The overall look - complete with tiara name card holders, champagne bubbles and handbags of chocs.

  

THE MUSIC

My lovely son finally downloaded my chosen playlist - some of which can be heard here.

THE MENU

Continuing with the pink theme, we started with champagne and frozen fruits (booze courtesy of my lovely Twitter friend, Jackie).

(This is where the photos stopped for a while - we were too hungry! But the food went as follows.)

Cream of roasted red pepper and tomato soup with PINK bread!

Salmon (PINK) fillets with tomatoes, parmesan and dill.  Dauphinoise potatoes, green beans and asparagus.  With PINK garlic dressing.

PINK champagne and mixed berry jelly and PINK cupcakes.

 I was so proud of my Danny la Rue cake topper - he was gorge!

Cheese and biscuits - no PINK, sadly.

THE GAMES

During my food serving time, I provided a picture quiz to keep people occupied- ‘Name that Gay’ - self explanatory really!  Fifteen celebs with their eyes blacked out waiting for my guests to identify them.  Boy George was a tricky one as he was sans hat (and hair!) - I do like to offer a challenge.

After the main course we moved on to, ‘Pin the Di*k on the Drag.’  We gave each of our guests an A3 sheet of paper with Danny la Rue's head (!) pasted at the top.  They all had to draw a naked (but sexless) drag queen in a suitable pose ready to have a penis attached IF they were chosen as the winner.

Cue my 17 year old son to appear from his virtual world of computer games to do the judging.  No, he didn’t think it odd - he’s grown up in this madhouse and knows what we’re capable of.

The drag chosen, we stuck it to the fridge door and off we went, penis and blu-tac in hand, ready to fire!  As you can see, results were unexpected (or expected if you have a filthy mind!).

 The finished drags

 I'm aiming with my penis.

 A bad shot!

This very simple game provided much laughter for five very silly adults.

After our dessert, it was a game for just the men-folk.  Well, I couldn’t host a drag themed event and have them looking so ‘normal’ could I?  Mean?  Me?  Yes!  So we moved on to ‘Pass my Package’.

Again, a variation on the children’s game, I handed them a parcel and the music started up.  Each time it stopped, they would unwrap to find … a scarf, a pair of earrings, a hat … until eventually they were all dressed and ready to hit the stage of any drag club.  Much cheating and slow motion/chucking followed until the final opening revealed a pair of gossamer gloves - very appropriate, don’t you think?

Sadly, these are the photos!!!

 

And for some strange reason (but we are talking my friends!) the very attractive black flower worn by one of my ‘drags’ suddenly took on a life of his own as 'Colin the Ferocious Fascinator' - sipping the champagne bubble blowers, having a smoke, wearing a tiara and providing us with a running commentary of the evening. It’s never normal in The Misfit House!

Our final game was ‘Dear Aunt Tittie’ - in much the same way as ‘Consequences’, each person had to write a drag queen’s dilemma to an agony aunt and then pass their concealed problem to the next person for the response.  The one that provided the most giggles went like this:

Dear Aunt Tittie

When I wear a bikini, I’m not sure where to put ‘it’.

I’ve tried sticking it to the left and to the right but nothing works.

If you were me, would you try the front or the back?

Sincerely,

Troubled!

THE RESPONSE

Dear Reader

Lubricate well, lean forward and touch your toes and I’m sure the situation will improve.

Best,

Aunt Tittie.

And that was the launch for my latest novel.  I had a great time - with a bit of singing and dancing thrown in, it was the perfect way to toast my book.  Hope you’ve enjoyed my pictures and, if you haven’t yet, why not grab a copy of ‘Stilettos & Stubble’ and see what all the fuss is about.  Available at Amazon and Lulu.

Dear Me ...

Dozens of celebrities have been asked to take part in compiling a book of letters to their sixteen year old self, based on what they know now.

Well, I’m no celebrity but I’m taking part anyway.

Dear Me

Right now the hardest decisions you’ll have to make are whether or not to squeeze a spot or what to wear to the disco at the weekend.

But life will get tougher.

When you’re crying in your bed at night about an unrequited love or pouring your heart into your diary because of your latest rejection, try to remember these are the good times and it’s all valuable experience.  Being sixteen is great but, sadly, it doesn’t last forever.

In two year’s time you’ll lose the best dad a girl could ever have asked for.  It won’t be easy and it will remain something you’ll never get over.  But you will have your fantastic mum for many years and, although it will pain you to see her age, you’ll become her best friend and primary carer.  There will be difficult times with her but you’ve been given the strength to cope and she’ll be grateful for that.

Your years at drama school will be among your happiest - you may not think so at the time, as combining those years with looking out for a grieving mum will often hold you back.  You’ll meet your best friends there - one who, although she drives you to distraction, will be with you way into the future.  And another who will sadly take his life - there’ll be nothing you can do for him though as he’ll be beyond help.

You’ll break many hearts - not intentionally - and you’ll often think you’re in love when you’re not.  But don’t worry because your soul-mate is waiting and it will all fall into place when you least expect it.

Sadly you’ll always be one of those people who get ‘close but no cigar’.  You’ll be excited to get offered the lead in a play at the National Theatre - it won’t happen, there will be cutbacks and your chance in the spotlight will be snatched from you.  Later in life, with acting behind you, you’ll come close to seeing your book in print only to see that fall in a heap too.  Just accept these things and move on.  Try to understand that they happen for a reason and just continue to do the best you can.

You’ll lose many people you love but the one who will leave the biggest hole is your Godmother.  There won’t be a day that goes by that you don’t think of her, she will always be in your heart.  That’s a good thing - cherish it.

Worrying will become one of the things you’re best at.  If you could just try to pin-point the day the niggles start, stop them there and then.  Once they set in, you’ll find them hard to shift.  Luckily, your soul-mate will be the complete opposite so you’ll manage to control it.

So every sixteen year old girl wants to know if and when she’ll get married - yes, you will, at the ripe old age of thirty and you’ll go on to have one very special child.  It’ll be a marriage made in heaven, so you don’t need to worry there, but you’ll have many tough times financially.  Don’t panic though, because the love you’ll have for one another will be so strong, you’ll survive anything.

I know you won’t believe me when I tell you that there’ll be some exceptionally difficult family issues to work through - doesn’t seem possible right now, does it?  I can’t tell you how they’ll work out, because at this stage I don’t know.  You’re going to have to be really strong when that time comes and accept that there are certain things you can’t change.  You’ll be heart-broken and I hope that feeling doesn’t last forever.

There’s not much else I can say really.  You won’t do a bad job of your life, you’ll have lots of fun and much to look forward to.  You’ll always be at your happiest when you’re creating something to alleviate your low boredom threshold.  Trust me, when you’re bored you’re not an easy person to live with.

Try to learn the knack of going with the flow - it will make life much easier.  Things will be what they will be and it’s not in your power to force things.

Enjoy the ride!  It’s a great one and don’t let fear hold you back.

Love, Me x

PS:  Don’t touch that first cigarette.  You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

Diary of a Mummy Misfit is available at Amazon for Kindle. Now also available in paperback at Lulu.