Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Take a letter, Miss Misfit ...

I’ve seen the new craze going around where bloggers write snippets of letters that they know they will never send - just to get stuff off their chests.

I like this idea so I’m jumping on the bandwagon and churning out a few of my own.

Remember, these are my personal thoughts - if you can’t relate or don’t agree, piddle off and write your own.

Dear Employers
You are totally passing my husband by because of his age.  This means that you have lost out on one of the most decent and hardest workers I have ever known.
But that’s fine.  It means I’ve had him around me for longer and SOON, when everything goes OUR way, he won’t be looking for your poxy jobs anyway.

Dear Husband
You are the best (and more) than I could ever have wished for.  Every day with you brings a smile and I feel totally cherished as you promised all those years ago.  Times have been tough but together we can face anything.  I owe you an Aston Martin with bows and nipple tassels!  One day …

Dear Doubters
School phobia is very real.  This is the last time I hope I ever have to say this but it is not naughtiness, petulance, mollycoddling, ‘trying it on’, hating school - NONE of those things.  Live through it with a child or see someone experience a full-blown panic attack and then get back to me.  A slap doesn’t solve everything and this condition has not just been brought to the public’s attention because of sodding ‘Emmerdale’.  Get a grip!

Dear Son
How proud I am of you that you would come through such a difficult time and turn it into a positive - to be happy to chat to newspapers/radio and appear on TV in the hope of helping another child who is going through the same thing.  I think that says an awful lot about you.  Weird, whacky, a mind of your own and someone who will go far.

Dear Readers
Thank you so much for taking a chance on me and (mainly) loving what I do.  Every great review makes me smile so broadly, I wish you could see me when it happens.  Your words mean the world to me and spur me on to write more.  The support that you give me via blogs, email Facebook and Twitter is one of the greatest feelings ever.  Thank you.

Dear People who harm children, animals, the old or vulnerable.
No punishment is enough for you.  You will rot in hell.  Enough said.

Dear Putney Mums
You’ve been talking, I know you have.  That’s fine.  It was always going to happen.  There is no ONE individual represented in my books.  You are not Character A or Character B - but if you recognise a sprinkling of your traits in any of the people within the books’ pages, are you nice or nasty?  YOU decide!

Dear Daddy
Not your fault I know, but no girl should lose such a lovely dad at eighteen.  You are in trouble when I reach the Pearly Gates - listen out for the shouting!  Thank you for being the best and making your presence felt every day in some small way.

Dear PPI
STOP ringing me!  I don’t have any money due to me!  Do you not think I would have taken it if I had?

Dear Friend in Scotland
You are a mess and I am ashamed of you.  Thirty years of friendship is about to go down the pan as I stand by your husband and your son.  The alcohol needs to take a back seat and you have to remember that, first and foremost, you are a mother.  You have gone from ‘one classy lady’ to a candidate for the Jeremy Kyle show.  Stop and think what your parents would be saying.

Dear British Summer
We haven’t seen you for a while.  About three years?!  Get your bum into gear and hit us with a humdinger this year.  I have books to write and a garden to write them in.  What I don’t have is a passport, money to go overseas or the time to travel - I need you to deliver to my front door and this time, if you don’t, I will be writing a strong letter to The Times - enough’s enough.

Dear Family
Your mother/grandmother is not getting any younger.  Things can be left until they are too late and nobody wants that.  Do they?  We are ALL guilty in our own ways for being where we are, every one of us, and I think she deserves more.  Every single member of my family who reads this should take stock and ask themselves some questions.  Every single one.

Dear Blog Readers
Phew!  Bit of a marathon this week, wasn’t it?  If you made it this far, go and grab a cuppa or a glass of something lovely (depending on the time of day - I’d hate to encourage early boozing) and while you’re at it check out my books on Amazon!  Gotta keep that leaky old roof over our heads!


  1. Great post! I think if I started writing letters the list of people to write them to would be soooooooooooo long! lol. I read a great book recently by Tom Winter called Lost and Found about a lady who writes letters about how unhappy she is and thinking no-one will ever read them posts them. But they are in fact read. Writing letters are good therapy!

  2. Haha love it, i have a barber shop quartet on standby for when i win the lottery but my resignation letter would be like this:
    Dear (so tempting to insert name/dept)
    I would love to say i have enjoyed the experience of working within your team but i'm not one for browning nosing management and i'm not starting now. your lack of management skills can not be made up with melanie griffiths style power dressing Primark style. everyone knows you are less policy and more period driven, infact we mark your jolly emails on our calender. Enjoy the bitching and office politics and if i can offer one piece of advice to you, smile with your mouth closed or see a dentist!
    Best wishes for the future.
    and so on and so forth......

  3. Wow! You did well to stop there... My list of addressees would be twofold. Given me a push to write one to a mother-too-far-removed. Won't send it though.
    My dream would be to write one to a pair of bullying, misogynist, old school senior management teachers who have managed to strike fear into the most hardworking, caring, inspirational teachers a generation is lucky to have. And I'd write it on the sky.

  4. Brilliant! I can see why we're going to be soo good as Popes! My lovely husband would also love an Aston Martin. I think my letter would be to the council telling them what **** they are for dumping on my community -wait - I already wrote it!!!! xxxxx Great post!

  5. Great idea for a post Amanda, lover the letter to British summer.

  6. I write dead blogs and emails when I need to get things off my chest. The dead email idea I got from my bestie. The dead blog idea is my own and was thought as a good idea when I was going through therapy for my GAD.

  7. A really good idea for a blog and I also think it's somthing we all could do in private and look back on.

    Top of my list would be newspapers that are not happy unless they are writing negative things, there I said it.

    Thanks Amanda keep up the good work x