Regular followers of mine will know that I've been toying with the idea of a Mummy Misfit spin-off and, thanks to your hugely positive responses, I've decided to go ahead with 'Mummy Misfit Entertains' - parties for paupers.
Remember the Pippa Middleton book 'Celebrate' that hit the shelves last year and bombed? Well it won't be like that! Partly because I won't be fortunate enough to be lured by a £400,000 advance (oh, just let me dream for a moment!) but also because it won't filled with useless drivel about entertaining that, for the ordinary person on the street living through a recession and counting the pennies, isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Is it any wonder the book was a flop and the deal ended when Pippa decided to educate the masses with these words of wisdom?
• 'Because of their size, turkeys are perfect for feeding larger
gatherings'
As my dear friend Fenella would say, 'No sh*t, Sherlock!'
So what do you think, Pippa? Should we maybe have one at Christmas? Oh, where would we be without you!
• 'For parties, wrap a small gift. Sit everyone in a circle and
ask them to pass the parcel ...'
Is there a name for this hugely original game? And would it be good to play with small children maybe?
• 'Store cupboards, drawers or boxes should be packed full of
useful odds and ends.'
Ah, so that's what all the c*ap is! It's good to know that the upper classes have drawers of string, fug, cracker innards and broken combs too.
From what I know of this book, I'm surprised she didn't include a few helpful tips along the lines of:
Remember to stock up on toilet tissue. No one likes to resort to using The Tatler in an emergency - it leaves nasty print all over your 'oh so pert' little bottom.
If you run out of champers, be prepared to accept that no one will ever set foot in your house again.
Although the recipe for ice is very simple, the time it takes to set is rather lengthy. Far quicker to 'order in' (see back of book for recipe if you prefer homemade)
For decorations, pretty balloons and party fripperies simply nip to Mummy and Daddy's shop and help yourself.
I'm so sorry if I sound like I'm bitching. But I am! This book deal made me (and many other writers) cross. Penguin only took a chance on her because of who she was related to. Thankfully, their greed backfired. Try taking a chance on some little nobodies, us Indies who slog our guts out day in and day out. What would be so wrong with that?
So, that brings me to my book which won't be losing anyone any money. I've been entertaining for years - on a budget. Sometimes the budget has been bigger than others but it's certainly never been massive and I've always received compliments from my guests.
As Fenella always tells me, 'You have a talent for giving good table, good candle and good feeling.'
So watch this space as I begin work on 'Mummy Misfit Entertains'. Unless I get offered a juicy advance from a canny publisher who's checked out my rather stonkering Amazon rankings, it won't be filled with glossy photos - just handy, practical and fun tips, recipes, themes and games.
Oh ... and it also won't include the recipe for ice either. You'll have to Google that one for yourselves.
Showing posts with label middleton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label middleton. Show all posts
Thursday, 2 October 2014
Sunday, 31 August 2014
The Day after the Night before
I'm a little bit 'floopy' today. After weeks of preparation we finally enjoyed our 20th wedding anniversary party last night and what a night it was! My poor feet and legs are in complete shock as our resident DJ (read: The Teen) barely gave anyone time to grab a drink, his tracks were so varied and infectious. In fact we danced SO much, the photos are a little thin on the ground as we were all too busy getting our groove on. The teen got lots of video evidence but there's only so much I'm prepared to share!
Our theme was FUNKY FLORAL SUMMER and thankfully the weather delivered beautifully. After heavy winds and cloud, the evening suddenly became almost tropical and we were able to enjoy using the marquee in the back garden to chill out and then (at 2 in the morning) our little patio area at the front.
The teen was invaluable and helped with food, technical issues and being an all round good guy. Here he is having a pre-party shuffle with his Nanny!
The marquee got quite packed at times after all that dancing.
And here's the happy couple with their baby boy!
We were delighted to welcome my Twitter buddy to our home again. The beautiful @Nurseyjo boogied her little socks off and was the perfect party guest.
Our theme was FUNKY FLORAL SUMMER and thankfully the weather delivered beautifully. After heavy winds and cloud, the evening suddenly became almost tropical and we were able to enjoy using the marquee in the back garden to chill out and then (at 2 in the morning) our little patio area at the front.
Our marquee, complete with FUNKY FLORAL bunting - made from oilskin - and some pretty flower lights
We decided to take it easy on ourselves with the food as we knew how much we threw away after my 50th. Some pre-cooking and freezing saw us come up with this selection of delicacies.
Salmon roulade, savoury muffins, mini quiches, Thai fishcakes.
What this photo doesn't reveal is that there's a heap of food on the other side of the kitchen!
We gave each of our 30 guests a nice little glow with some Bloody Mary Gazpacho shots too.
We decided to be brave and inventive with our 3 tiered cake. I ordered the large base cake from Waitrose and then we iced and decorated 2 more tiers. We incorporated the FUNKY FLORAL theme and this is what we came up with.
Great British Bake-Off eat your heart out!
As our guests arrived we had cocktail music playing in the background and a copy of our wedding video playing on mute. Many of them found themselves lost in watching and laughing at how we've changed over the years. We also put together a selection of photos for people to giggle at.
And looking pretty pleased with his DJing skills!
The marquee got quite packed at times after all that dancing.
And here's the happy couple with their baby boy!
We were delighted to welcome my Twitter buddy to our home again. The beautiful @Nurseyjo boogied her little socks off and was the perfect party guest.
We look like we have rather extravagant head-dresses on - me with the peach and her with the pink.
We HAD just been shimmying to 'Copacabana' but no headgear was required. Or maracas!
My good friend 'Fenella' started the entertaining with a couple of songs and then ended with audience participation in a singalong to 'Honey, Honey'. From then on there was no stopping us!
Once again, everyone left saying what a fab time they'd had and I've had some pretty weary texts and calls today.
Who says you have to spend a fortune to have an absolute ball? Cinderella and her Prince Charming of twenty years did it with style on a shoestring.
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Dear Kate ...
Dear Kate, (or any other new mum)
Firstly, congratulations. You're a mum for the first time and regardless of the spotlight being on you, you'll be feeling like all new mummies - knackered and bewildered.
I only ever experienced those feelings once, nearly eighteen years ago, but watching your face as you left the security of your hospital room yesterday brought it all back to me. It's an exciting and terrifying time - hugely rewarding, draining and a constant learning curve.
So here are Mummy Misfit's tips on surviving motherhood.
* He might be a real Prince but every son is a Prince to his mum. Remember he's YOURS. He's your precious bundle and what you say goes. Spend time with him, get to know him, don't let people insist they have a piece of him. He COULD be your only child - no one can predict that they'll have the 2, 3, 4 they want. Cherish every minute as if he's your last baby.
* If you want to breast feed, give it a go. If you can't, don't beat yourself up. Some can, some can't. It's not a competition and you can only do what works for you and your baby.
* You'll sometimes feel like you don't have a clue what you're doing and everything you do is wrong. You'll ask for advice and some of it will make sense but you'll still want to try to have a go at doing things your way. Sometimes it will work, sometimes you'll stuff up and wish you took the advice. That's part of being a mum. Don't let people give you advice you don't want - tell them politely that you're fine. Opinions can overload your thoughts to the point that you don't remember your own.
* There will be times that you're cross-eyed with tiredness. I had a baby who liked to feed every hour on the hour for the first year of his life. You'll get to the point where you think you can't cope. You will. You have no choice. And it does come to an end.
* Your body will do what it wants to do, in its own time so be kind to yourself and don't expect too much too soon. What's wrong with a 'baby belly'? Wear it with pride - it's much more attractive than the wrinkles and grey hairs they give you as they get older!
* You'll never sleep the way you used to, pre-baby. From those early sleepless nights you'll move on to colic, teething, nappy rash, coughs and colds. As a mum you develop a third ear - what was that noise? Are they OK? Then they grow up, refuse to go to bed, play loud music, go out on the town and leave you awake and worried. Your sleeping days are over!
* He'll bring out instincts in you that you had no idea you had. You'll become a fighting, spitting tigress if you need to. Only a mum can know this and it will surprise you the first time it happens.
* Your husband is your best friend and ally. Don't fight one another when you're both tired because you both want the same thing - a happy baby and a good night's sleep! Keep talking and, when you can, have a giggle.
* You'll think that every mum is doing a better job than you. They're not - every baby is different so if your best friend's baby is sleeping through the night at six weeks, big deal. Your baby's the best, and you know it!
* One minute he'll be snuggled on your lap and the next he'll be a strapping lad with thoughts of his own. You won't believe the speed with which that happens. For a while, it passes slowly then ... woosh, they're an adult.
There you go - my Misfit tips on motherhood. I may have only had one baby, but the feelings are the same and if just one of my thoughts goes on to give a new mummy an ounce of comfort, I'll be happy.
Above all, enjoy your time and sleep whenever you can - that final piece of advice is one I never took. Why would I want to sleep when I had a lovely baby boy to look at?
Firstly, congratulations. You're a mum for the first time and regardless of the spotlight being on you, you'll be feeling like all new mummies - knackered and bewildered.
I only ever experienced those feelings once, nearly eighteen years ago, but watching your face as you left the security of your hospital room yesterday brought it all back to me. It's an exciting and terrifying time - hugely rewarding, draining and a constant learning curve.
So here are Mummy Misfit's tips on surviving motherhood.
* He might be a real Prince but every son is a Prince to his mum. Remember he's YOURS. He's your precious bundle and what you say goes. Spend time with him, get to know him, don't let people insist they have a piece of him. He COULD be your only child - no one can predict that they'll have the 2, 3, 4 they want. Cherish every minute as if he's your last baby.
* If you want to breast feed, give it a go. If you can't, don't beat yourself up. Some can, some can't. It's not a competition and you can only do what works for you and your baby.
* You'll sometimes feel like you don't have a clue what you're doing and everything you do is wrong. You'll ask for advice and some of it will make sense but you'll still want to try to have a go at doing things your way. Sometimes it will work, sometimes you'll stuff up and wish you took the advice. That's part of being a mum. Don't let people give you advice you don't want - tell them politely that you're fine. Opinions can overload your thoughts to the point that you don't remember your own.
* There will be times that you're cross-eyed with tiredness. I had a baby who liked to feed every hour on the hour for the first year of his life. You'll get to the point where you think you can't cope. You will. You have no choice. And it does come to an end.
* Your body will do what it wants to do, in its own time so be kind to yourself and don't expect too much too soon. What's wrong with a 'baby belly'? Wear it with pride - it's much more attractive than the wrinkles and grey hairs they give you as they get older!
* You'll never sleep the way you used to, pre-baby. From those early sleepless nights you'll move on to colic, teething, nappy rash, coughs and colds. As a mum you develop a third ear - what was that noise? Are they OK? Then they grow up, refuse to go to bed, play loud music, go out on the town and leave you awake and worried. Your sleeping days are over!
* He'll bring out instincts in you that you had no idea you had. You'll become a fighting, spitting tigress if you need to. Only a mum can know this and it will surprise you the first time it happens.
* Your husband is your best friend and ally. Don't fight one another when you're both tired because you both want the same thing - a happy baby and a good night's sleep! Keep talking and, when you can, have a giggle.
* You'll think that every mum is doing a better job than you. They're not - every baby is different so if your best friend's baby is sleeping through the night at six weeks, big deal. Your baby's the best, and you know it!
* One minute he'll be snuggled on your lap and the next he'll be a strapping lad with thoughts of his own. You won't believe the speed with which that happens. For a while, it passes slowly then ... woosh, they're an adult.
There you go - my Misfit tips on motherhood. I may have only had one baby, but the feelings are the same and if just one of my thoughts goes on to give a new mummy an ounce of comfort, I'll be happy.
Above all, enjoy your time and sleep whenever you can - that final piece of advice is one I never took. Why would I want to sleep when I had a lovely baby boy to look at?
Sunday, 28 April 2013
How to Lose Readers and Alienate People
Bonus blog this week as I need to get something off my chest ...
Last night, after editing, I was idly looking through my Twitter feed reading peoples' thoughts on Britain's Got Talent or The Voice (boy, does England need some summer so that we can all get our TV bums outside!) and I came across a conversation between a reader and one of my (now ex!) favourite traditionally published authors.
The author (who shall remain nameless) told the reader that (and I have to be very careful with my words here or it's easy for readers to search Twitter and find out who she is) she wasn't a fan of the less expensively priced books available on Kindle. Well, laaa - dee - da!
This could be a case of 'tweeting before thinking' but it's just wrong on so many levels. Let me give you my thoughts and see if you agree:
*Does this mean that we should judge the quality of a book by its price tag? A ten pound book is immediately a 5* review because it must be top-notch? Or a book that has the umbrella of a big publishing house over it is guaranteed to be a massive success? [cough cough] Pippa Middleton? Oops!
* Indies have to keep their books reasonably priced or no one would take a chance on them. Personally, I think upwards of £7 for a Kindle book is just rude but if you're being dictated to by your publisher I also see that you have no choice. See, I respect you - please treat me in the same way.
* I think this author should stop and think, 'There but for the grace of God ...' Ok, so you hit the big time, bagged an agent and publisher but please don't put down those who have decided to take another route - for whatever reason.
* Indies do everything themselves - editing, proof reading, book cover design, promoting - they don't have the luxury (or added cost) of people working on their behalf. So my 'cheap books' mean that, with the amount of hours hubbie and I put in, I'm probably on slave labour wage. Dear said Author, you managed to slag that off with one fleeting statement.
* I have to wonder if our stable of 'big chicklit writers' - ie: the ones who were signed in the early days (pre eBooks) when business was booming and it was a new genre- would have had the grit and determination to follow their dream on the Indie path if they hadn't had their lucky break. It's not for the lazy or easily disheartened - would they have had the staying power? Or would they have thought 'That wouldn't make me a real writer' ?
I don't want this blog to sound like sour grapes - I'm happy as an Indie writer and I earn just about enough to keep the roof over my head - but I was deeply offended by this writer's comment. So much so, she has now lost a very loyal reader - why should I line her pockets when she has no respect for what I'm doing?
And, at the end of the day, are we not all doing the same thing? Living our dream, creating characters and plots our readers love and earning a crust.
It just happens that your crust is bigger than mine!
Last night, after editing, I was idly looking through my Twitter feed reading peoples' thoughts on Britain's Got Talent or The Voice (boy, does England need some summer so that we can all get our TV bums outside!) and I came across a conversation between a reader and one of my (now ex!) favourite traditionally published authors.
The author (who shall remain nameless) told the reader that (and I have to be very careful with my words here or it's easy for readers to search Twitter and find out who she is) she wasn't a fan of the less expensively priced books available on Kindle. Well, laaa - dee - da!
This could be a case of 'tweeting before thinking' but it's just wrong on so many levels. Let me give you my thoughts and see if you agree:
*Does this mean that we should judge the quality of a book by its price tag? A ten pound book is immediately a 5* review because it must be top-notch? Or a book that has the umbrella of a big publishing house over it is guaranteed to be a massive success? [cough cough] Pippa Middleton? Oops!
* Indies have to keep their books reasonably priced or no one would take a chance on them. Personally, I think upwards of £7 for a Kindle book is just rude but if you're being dictated to by your publisher I also see that you have no choice. See, I respect you - please treat me in the same way.
* I think this author should stop and think, 'There but for the grace of God ...' Ok, so you hit the big time, bagged an agent and publisher but please don't put down those who have decided to take another route - for whatever reason.
* Indies do everything themselves - editing, proof reading, book cover design, promoting - they don't have the luxury (or added cost) of people working on their behalf. So my 'cheap books' mean that, with the amount of hours hubbie and I put in, I'm probably on slave labour wage. Dear said Author, you managed to slag that off with one fleeting statement.
* I have to wonder if our stable of 'big chicklit writers' - ie: the ones who were signed in the early days (pre eBooks) when business was booming and it was a new genre- would have had the grit and determination to follow their dream on the Indie path if they hadn't had their lucky break. It's not for the lazy or easily disheartened - would they have had the staying power? Or would they have thought 'That wouldn't make me a real writer' ?
I don't want this blog to sound like sour grapes - I'm happy as an Indie writer and I earn just about enough to keep the roof over my head - but I was deeply offended by this writer's comment. So much so, she has now lost a very loyal reader - why should I line her pockets when she has no respect for what I'm doing?
And, at the end of the day, are we not all doing the same thing? Living our dream, creating characters and plots our readers love and earning a crust.
It just happens that your crust is bigger than mine!
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