Jamelia - punching above her weight

I’m beginning to think that ‘Loose Women’ should be re-named ‘Loose Cannons’.

I gave up watching some time ago but when one of their panelists spouts venom, bigoted views or claptrap it always hits Twitter and you find yourself thinking, ‘Whose career is in need of a boost now?’

Surely that can be the only reason these women come out with such contentious views.  We’ve seen the Vile One (Hopkins) do it time and time again (her empire is built on it), we cringed at Judy Finnigan’s rape comments and now we have Jamelia with this beauty:

“I think everyone should have access to lovely clothes, BUT I do not think it’s right to facilitate people living an unhealthy lifestyle … I don’t believe stores should stock clothes below or above a certain weight. They should be made to feel uncomfortable when they go in and can’t find a size.”

What was she thinking?  And what will she be thinking this morning now that the dust has settled?

Yes, she’s entitled to her opinion but has she really considered the implications of what she said?

1. What is this ‘certain weight’ she’s talking about?  Do we have scales at the doors to ascertain who can and can’t be allowed to enter?  Or maybe we have a radar that automatically brings down a shutter if it detects non-perfection?  Who decides on the ideal weight?  A doctor?  A catwalk model?  A chat-show panelist?

2. How should these people be made to feel uncomfortable?  Pointing?  Jeering?  Making them try clothes on whilst standing on the shop floor rather than in the privacy of a changing room?  Maybe a Tannoy could be used to announce the arrival of a fatty or a skinny?  A fanfare perhaps?

3. Who says that being overweight or underweight is due to an ‘unhealthy lifestyle’?  There are many medical conditions which cause weight gain or loss, just as there are many people carrying a little extra weight or not enough who are totally healthy, happy and fit.  Your mind is as narrow as your hips, Ms J.

4. What message are you giving your daughters?  ‘Oh, the scales have tipped over the perfect weight!  Greedy girl! or ‘Too skinny, sweetheart!  Sick girl!’

5. What right do you have to enter women’s living rooms and make them feel bad about themselves?  I’m not talking about the ones who are happy and confident in their skins (be that large or small), I’m talking the ones who are already struggling - the young mum who’s lonely and trying to shift a few extra pounds, the uni student who’s battling bulimia.  Did you think about them?

6. Where exactly should these ‘freaks’ go to buy their clothes?  Must we keep them all behind closed doors and only allow them to shop on the internet?  If so, why draw the line at clothes shops?  Let’s keep them inside all of the time so that they don’t offend your sensitivities.

7. Start saying your prayers to the Beauty Gods.  May your bottom never sag, your metabolism never change, your health never throw you a curve ball that affects the holy scales and may you always be allowed in the hallowed shops.

On a final note, dear readers, let me leave you with the perfect body - yes, I do mean the rabbit.

Katie Hopkins ... Her Stupid Story

Regular followers may be slightly surprised by this post as I’d made a vow never to mention the vile Katie Hopkins ever again - I figured if people stopped giving her a platform she might simply shrivel up and disappear - but, after (foolishly) watching the farce entitled ‘My Fat Story’, I was so incensed by her arrogance and stupidity I felt the need to have another pop at her.

For those who haven’t seen the programme, Ms Hopkins (self declared fat hater) decided to educate the masses by gaining 3 stone in weight and then shifting it ASAP.  The phrase ‘eat less, move more’ was rammed down our throats as she rammed meal after meal, snack after snack down her own revolting throat.

Not only was this a ‘No-Sh*t- Sherlock’ approach to diet and exercise but it was also an incredibly naive experiment.  No great surprise there, given who we’re dealing with, but even the doctors who checked her out before her bingeing began said that it was unwise and that they didn’t recommend her going ahead.

But go ahead she did, determined to prove her points.

If you eat a lot and don’t move - you get fat.

When you stop eating and take up exercise - you lose weight.

Really?!  Oh, Ms Hopkins where would we be without your wisdom?

Now … here’s where I have the problem.  I am considered to be a ‘normal, healthy weight’.  I have no issues with food but I’m well aware that there are people who do, and to imply that it’s as simple as ABC to shift weight if you have an eating disorder is ignorant and small-minded.

Of course Ms Hopkins would have no problem going back to her old eating and exercising habits - it’s who she is and she’s clearly also someone with a naturally high metabolism.  Although, as the rugby players pointed out when they first saw her skeletal-bikini-clad bones, she could do with keeping on a few of those gained pounds.  Quite frankly, she looked like an under-nourished ten year old with an old lady’s head glued on top.

We are now all well aware that Ms Hopkins wouldn’t employ a fat person - a statement she’s incredibly proud of.  After learning more about her through this programme, how would she feel if someone told her they wouldn’t offer her employment because she’s epileptic?  Not nice, is it?

And now that we’ve been ‘enlightened’ on weight-loss, I wonder if she’d like to try bulimia or anorexia for a few months - and then oh-so-miraculously snap out of it.  Or how about alcoholism?  Or here’s a good one … pop your dressing gown on and sink into the depths of depression/panic attacks/anxiety and then show all the sufferers how simple it is to shed your gloom and start living again.

Because it’s really that simple, isn’t it Katie?

The Outlook's Sunny!

It’s been a good week in the Misfit house - and I mean a really good week.

I wouldn’t say it’s been a lazy one, because I don’t ‘do’ lazy, but it has been a little more laid back than usual and it’s given me time to come to terms with decisions I’ve made and let them gel.

My December release is flying along but my next big job is to get started on the editing of my Christmas novella which will be out in October - never a dull moment here.

So what else did my week bring?  Aside from seeing my son leave his much-loved school, we had SUNSHINE!  Don’t you just love it?  Unlike the yummy mummies who holiday (at least) thrice yearly, I haven’t set foot out of this country for 15 years so when the sun comes to me I jump for joy - OK, with the temperatures we've been having in London, it’s a bit of a lethargic jump, but I still do it.

Of course I dream of heading off to sunnier, more exotic climes but every penny I earn goes to our mortgage and I also need to be here to care for my mother so that’s not possible right now.

But as a writer, I’m lucky enough to be able to set up the office in the garden and enjoy the concept of a holiday while still working - it would be rude not to, wouldn’t it?  There aren’t many jobs that allow you to do that!  And apologies if I’ve made any of you green with envy.

With the arrival of the glorious weather, we entertained some close friends with a meal in the garden on Saturday night and took part in music wars with some neighbours who were having a family barbeque a few doors down - their reggae trounced our Dean Martin hands down but we accepted defeat graciously and had a giggle with them about it the next day.  The evil mozzies also had to back down from battle as I’d managed to find a very effective insect repellent and, although we all stunk and could well have gone up in a puff of smoke with one ignition of a lighter, we all remained bite-free.

I also featured on two blogs.  Here and here. And my friend Jamie Dougan moved his blog to a new web location so if you haven’t caught up on the piece I did on ‘My Writing Essentials’ check it out here.  He’s also doing a free promo of his short story ‘Grande Plage’ from Thursday and I'll be interviewing him here at the end of the week.

But the BEST thing this week has been my book sales.  Good grief!  If I could have more weeks like that, I would be one happy Misfit Bunny.  Paperback sales at Lulu have been great and I’ve also been hovering around the two to three thousand chart rating on Amazon (which, when you consider that there are over two million Kindle books in the UK Amazon store, isn’t too shabby a position for an Indie). Then on Sunday I was over the moon to see that I was at #4 in paid Chicklit (released in the last 30 days with 5* reviews)  How cool is that?

Apart from that, the teen is applying for jobs and not hearing back from anyone - probably something to do with his hair colour (!) and I bought a pair of size 12 jeans (not bad for a fatty!)

AMENDED on 10th July - the week just keeps getting better.  Sales have gone mad and we also received a letter telling us that our son has been given an award at school.  We'll attend the drinks reception and ceremony on 17th September.  We're such proud commoners parents! 

2nd amendment - added 7.50pm on 10th July!  I have also been quoted on the Daily Mail webpage, ranting about the vile Ms. Hopkins!

So … life’s good.  Who needs fancy holidays when you have a laptop in the sunshine?  Putney suits me just fine.  Oh, and the cats quite like it too.

 Check out my books here - everyone needs a light read in the sun. All under £2!

Hop on by, Katie!

An extra blog this week because I need a rant - and we all know that the Misfit needs to vent her spleen every now and again.

Remember, you heard it here first - I would lay my last penny on the vile and obnoxious Katie Hopkins of ‘The Apprentice’ fame announcing a book deal soon.

There can quite simply be no other reason for her outburst and subsequent exposure - we had it with Samantha Brick and we’re being groomed again now.

For those who are not aware of the history, Ms. Hopkins appeared on ‘This Morning’ earlier this week and declared that she won’t let her children play with kids with ‘common’, unusual or geographical names. I refuse to give the YouTube link or any related articles as I don’t want to drive more traffic her way - unless of course it’s an out-of-control articulated lorry!

Not quite sure that she completely stands by her views as, ironically, her children are called India, Poppy and Maximillian. Go figure!

But apparently children who are not given traditional names such as Harry, Sophie or Emily come from ‘stupid’ parents.  These children are always late for school, don’t complete their homework and are not allowed to be around Katie’s little darlings.  Sweeping generalisation, huh?

This from the woman who has shown herself up by not being able to spell synchronicity in a tweet and is unable to use an apostrophe correctly: ‘It isn't just the child's name is it? It is the manner in which it's mother yells it across the playground.’  Sloppy homework, huh?

What’s that about intelligence, Katie?

Not annoyed enough by this witch?  Try this.  Any mums out there with ginger children?  One of her tweets this morning stated,

‘Ginger babies.  Like a baby, just so much harder to love'.

We might expect this from the likes of Frankie Boyle but not from a so called ‘loving mother'.

She has continued to post tweet after provocative tweet this morning and is making herself look like a demented woman who has lost the plot.

But more likely she’s stirring up the hornet’s nest of public opinion before she hits us with her ‘bestseller'.

I’d do anything to get a book deal, to get my works out there to the reading masses - but nobody could ever pay me to be hated.  Which in effect is what she’s doing by compromising any dignity she might once have had.

So, I wish her well.  If there is a book it will no doubt go to #1 in a flash, but hopefully disappear just as quickly ... along with her.  If there isn’t, I hope she gets the professional help she needs.

Rant over.  As you were …

If you want to read about a NICE mummy who battles with the NASTY mummies, check out my Mummy Misfit books here.