"My name is Amanda and I'm a writer"

There was a time when I wouldn’t tell people that I was a writer.  When being introduced at parties or social gatherings, I’d keep it quiet.  What right did I have to give myself that title?  Maybe if I’d been traditionally published I wouldn’t have been quite so reticent but, as an Indie, a little voice in my head would always whisper ‘Don’t tell them.  You can imagine what questions will spring up.’

But things are different now.  I’m an Indie and am proud of what I’ve achieved.  I’m living the dream and my writing journey has allowed my husband to abandon his job search so that we can work together as a team - earning enough to pay the mortgage, the bills, feed and clothe ourselves and generally live.  OK, there are no round-the-world cruises on the horizon but if you’d told me four years ago that my writing would support us, I wouldn’t have believed you.  That cruise can’t be too far away!

These days I’m prepared for the questions that come after,‘What do you do, Amanda?’ and I reply, head held high, ‘I’m a writer.’

I should be prepared, I’ve heard them so many times!

‘Who are you published by?’

‘Me!’

‘So you couldn’t get a publisher then?’

‘Actually, after being let down at the final hurdle with my first novel, I lost faith and decided to stop approaching both agents and publishers.  The Indie route suits me just fine.’

‘But I bet if a publisher offered you a massive deal, you’d take it?’

‘If someone offered you a fortune to do what you love, I guess you would too!’

‘Does it pay then?’

‘If it didn’t I wouldn’t be working 5 (sometimes 7) days a week or chaining my husband to the desk to edit, format and promote my books.  I don’t dabble - it’s my job and both my husband and I get paid a wage.’

‘Where do you get your ideas from?’

‘Honestly, I can’t put it down to one thing.  A seed can be planted while I’m sleeping or from an overheard snippet of conversation, an advert or (in one case) a parked car that I used to see every day - from that car came a whole plot.’

‘I’ve got an idea for a book!  Do you want to write it for me?’

‘No thank you.’

‘Do you get writer’s block?’

‘I’ve learned to deal with it.  I walk away, make a coffee, talk to the cats, load the washing machine.  If a block hits really badly around the 30K word count mark and there’s nothing I can do to shift it, I accept that I’m writing the wrong book and shelve it.  If my books don’t write themselves, I turn my back on them - I don’t have time for lack of cooperation!

‘Why don’t you write a Harry Potter type book or erotica?  That’s where the money is, isn’t it?’

Would you ask a gynaecologist why he’s not a dentist?  We specialise in our choices for a reason.  And there’s actually pretty good money in chicklit too!’

And finally, my favourite question from a dear friend who asks me every time I see him:

‘When are you going to write about a suave accountant with a huge willy?  I can give you lots of background information.’

Who knows, but I’ll pass on checking out his credentials!

Facing the Critics

I learnt in the week that there are some writers who never read their reviews.  I find that really odd!

Now I can see that if you avoid looking at them, you never get upset by the people who don't like your offerings but then you'd never get to see the praise from those who do, would you?

As a writer, I love to know that someone has enjoyed one of my books or that I've made them laugh or cry - it makes my job worthwhile and never fails to bring a smile to my face.  I'm fortunate enough to only have received a handful of bad reviews (so far - touch wood and all that malarkey!) and I have to admit they hurt for a little while but then I go on to remind myself that they are in the minority and you can't please everyone.

A couple of my funniest have been from someone who insists on buying all of my books and then slating them - why?  Give up on me! I'm clearly not writing the stuff that you want, so move on.  To call the characters in 'Stilettos and Stubble' bizarre, is just ... well, bizarre!  It's set in a drag club!  Would you have preferred nuns?!

Then we had the only ever 1* review for 'Diary of a Mummy Misfit', stating:

Plastic dummy
Sorry, I found this lady empty and rather sad, could not get into the story, I just wanted to redirect the girl into more important things! 

Erm ... it's chicklit!  It's about a mother at a school, finding her feet and making friends and enemies along the way.  Had I wanted to write about Mother Theresa and a pitiful orphanage or saving the rainforests, I would have done!

But enough about my reviews, I also spend a lot of time reading other authors' reviews too - it's part of the job and helps me to see what chicklit readers like and dislike. I can assure you, there are some truly nasty people out there.  Let me share some of my findings with you (without revealing the authors' or reviewers' names)

*  there are a good number of readers who will download a book when it's free - knowing full well that it's not their usual genre - and then give it a 1* review because it's 'chicklit'.  Rude!  Very, very rude!

* Then we have the ones who loathe a book so much they have to give the whole plot away to spoil it for any future readers.  Amazon insist that no spoilers are given but they will turn a blind eye and ignore anyone who complains to them.  I once spent many hours on the phone and writing emails to try to get a friend's spoiler review removed  - to no avail.

* An odd category here - the readers who purchase a book and then give it 1* saying, 'Haven't had time to read but I'm sure I will enjoy this book.'  What the?  With one fleeting sentence, you've brought a writer's ratings down because of your stupidity.

* People will also get on their high horse about prices of celebrity books.  I've seen many 1* reviews for books that were 'Far too pricey to buy. Not lining their pockets!'  OK, I agree celebs are flooding the market with overpriced tat but it's the publishers who set the price and to leave a review based on that is just wrong.

* I once saw a review for a book that had obviously been purchased second hand on Amazon and the buyer gave the author a 1* because the book 'was bent and smelly'!  Had I been that author I would have had to leave a comment or at least found where the person lived and slapped them with a frozen lettuce.

* There is one charming young lady on Amazon who only EVER leaves 1* reviews.  Clearly the right book has never been written for her!  Frustrated writer, maybe?

* Many readers will happily download free or affordable Indie works and then write review after review about how much the book needed a 'good editor'.  Do they ever stop and think why they're getting a bargain read?  Indies have to price their books to sell - we are swimming in a sea of anonymity and we need to do everything in our power to get our books flying from the virtual shelves.  That means a realistic price which doesn't allow for the luxury of a professional editor.  Capish?  Yes, mistakes can slip through but nobody's perfect - not even the top publishing houses.

So there you go, my thoughts and findings on reviews and reviewers.  If you're an avid reader and have loved a book, do you leave glowing reviews?  If you've read a book that you hate, do you just keep quiet? (like me! - I hate to diss somebody's baby)

Next time you read a book that you love, leave a few lines at Amazon.  It makes us writers smile and as I always say, 'Your words help to sell mine.'

The Outlook's Sunny!

It’s been a good week in the Misfit house - and I mean a really good week.

I wouldn’t say it’s been a lazy one, because I don’t ‘do’ lazy, but it has been a little more laid back than usual and it’s given me time to come to terms with decisions I’ve made and let them gel.

My December release is flying along but my next big job is to get started on the editing of my Christmas novella which will be out in October - never a dull moment here.

So what else did my week bring?  Aside from seeing my son leave his much-loved school, we had SUNSHINE!  Don’t you just love it?  Unlike the yummy mummies who holiday (at least) thrice yearly, I haven’t set foot out of this country for 15 years so when the sun comes to me I jump for joy - OK, with the temperatures we've been having in London, it’s a bit of a lethargic jump, but I still do it.

Of course I dream of heading off to sunnier, more exotic climes but every penny I earn goes to our mortgage and I also need to be here to care for my mother so that’s not possible right now.

But as a writer, I’m lucky enough to be able to set up the office in the garden and enjoy the concept of a holiday while still working - it would be rude not to, wouldn’t it?  There aren’t many jobs that allow you to do that!  And apologies if I’ve made any of you green with envy.

With the arrival of the glorious weather, we entertained some close friends with a meal in the garden on Saturday night and took part in music wars with some neighbours who were having a family barbeque a few doors down - their reggae trounced our Dean Martin hands down but we accepted defeat graciously and had a giggle with them about it the next day.  The evil mozzies also had to back down from battle as I’d managed to find a very effective insect repellent and, although we all stunk and could well have gone up in a puff of smoke with one ignition of a lighter, we all remained bite-free.

I also featured on two blogs.  Here and here. And my friend Jamie Dougan moved his blog to a new web location so if you haven’t caught up on the piece I did on ‘My Writing Essentials’ check it out here.  He’s also doing a free promo of his short story ‘Grande Plage’ from Thursday and I'll be interviewing him here at the end of the week.

But the BEST thing this week has been my book sales.  Good grief!  If I could have more weeks like that, I would be one happy Misfit Bunny.  Paperback sales at Lulu have been great and I’ve also been hovering around the two to three thousand chart rating on Amazon (which, when you consider that there are over two million Kindle books in the UK Amazon store, isn’t too shabby a position for an Indie). Then on Sunday I was over the moon to see that I was at #4 in paid Chicklit (released in the last 30 days with 5* reviews)  How cool is that?

Apart from that, the teen is applying for jobs and not hearing back from anyone - probably something to do with his hair colour (!) and I bought a pair of size 12 jeans (not bad for a fatty!)

AMENDED on 10th July - the week just keeps getting better.  Sales have gone mad and we also received a letter telling us that our son has been given an award at school.  We'll attend the drinks reception and ceremony on 17th September.  We're such proud commoners parents! 

2nd amendment - added 7.50pm on 10th July!  I have also been quoted on the Daily Mail webpage, ranting about the vile Ms. Hopkins!

So … life’s good.  Who needs fancy holidays when you have a laptop in the sunshine?  Putney suits me just fine.  Oh, and the cats quite like it too.

 Check out my books here - everyone needs a light read in the sun. All under £2!

Misfit Essentials

I’ve been tagged by a Twitter buddy, Jamie Dougan (@JamieTDougan), to list the ten things I couldn’t live without.  You can read his here.You can also download his short erotic story here for only 77p - what have you got to lose?

So here are my ten essentials - and I also tag my friends Michelle Betham, Donna Trinder and Ness.

1. The obvious - my family and friends.  Not going into details, as bits of it are complicated at the moment, but I still consider myself very lucky.  My husband, son and mum are THE BEST and I have friends who have gone way beyond the call of duty.  They are priceless.

2.  My garden.  I couldn’t imagine not having an outside space to call my own.  As I type this blog, I’m sitting at my wooden table with the sun shining down and a soft breeze in the air.  It’s my little bit of paradise.

3.  My cats.  Call me soppy but I love them so much.  Whenever we consider moving I always judge the house by the road.  Too much traffic is a no-no.  The story of my cats is here.

4.  My laptop.  I write my books, sell them, meet people, tweet people and can find out anything I need to.  On the couple of times it’s had a virus or a wobble, I’ve gone into meltdown.  I NEED it!

5.  My bath.  No matter how tired or how many glasses of wine I may have had forced on me (!), I have to end my day with a soak.  Bubbles and a soft towel are the perfect end to any day.

6.  My bed.  People think I’m joking when I say that I could sleep for sixteen hours but I could!  I love going to bed and I never want to get up.  My favourite is a Friday night sleep when I like to ‘relish’ - rub the sheets with my feet, snuggle down and know that it’s not an early morning.  Bliss!  I blogged about bed here.

7.  Tea, coffee and wine.  Yep, love them all.  I start the day with tea, move on to coffee and water, then wine in the evening and a cup of tea in bed.  The tea has to be PG TIPS, the coffee is ideally a latte and the wine anything white, dry and cold.  I also dabble in the odd cheeky red, if pushed.

8.  OK, shoot me down and it is a bit odd to say that I can’t live without them because they are obviously killing me but … FAGS!  I can’t do without them.  Disgusting, I know, but I’m nothing if not honest.  Let’s leave it there shall we …?

9.  Music.  My lovely dad always said he couldn’t imagine a world without it and I feel the same.  It can lift your spirits, give you inspiration, make you cry and give you that lovely spine tingle.  I love everything from musicals to heavy metal - and, trust me, living with a 16 year old, I am subjected to enough of that!  I’m usually quite tolerant but at 8am on the journey to school with London cyclists cutting me up it can be a bit of a tester - his musical choices have been known to make me feel murderous.

10.  Books - and my Kindle.  When I was sitting in the school car park for three years (blog here) they were my lifeline.  At that time I just had paperbacks or library books but now I have my trusty Kindle (thanks to some lovely Aussie friends).  In a good book, I can lose myself and my troubles and be transported to another world.  Everyone should know the joy of totally throwing themselves into a novel - whether it be for a laugh, a thrill, a mystery or a love affair.  You just can’t beat it.

So there you go … ‘Mummy Misfit Essentials’.  I also quite like chocolate, cakes, biscuits, Marmite, avocados, toast, garlic, lentils, Nivea cleanser (as agreed with Jamie!), dogs, shopping, my hair straighteners, make-up, handbags, shoes, dinner parties, the theatre, Come Dine With Me and old British sitcoms.  But that would have been greedy!

Check out my books on Amazon and Lulu  (and there's 25% off all books at Lulu until Friday!) 

Also tune into my radio show every Tuesday at 8.30 - live from my kitchen table.