Out of the Mouths of Babes

Kids say some funny things, don’t they?

Like most parents we can recall the funniest and often have a good giggle at them.

Here is a selection of our best:

When our son was about 18 months he disappeared from the sitting room and then came back stark naked apart from wellington boots and a tie hanging loosely round his neck saying, “Daddy go work now!”  My husband had never gone to work looking like that!

At 20 months I’d spent a couple of weeks telling him that it would be Daddy’s birthday soon.  Imagine our surprise when we woke up on the morning of hubbie’s birthday and our son was there with his arms around his dad’s neck smiling into his face and saying “’appy birday daddy.”  The best present ever.

At his two-year check up with the health visitor, when she asked him to pass her a crayon, he refused until she said ‘Ta’.

His nickname for Father Christmas was ‘Ho-Ho-Ho’ and, when we saw a particularly woolly dog in the park, he said “Look Mummy, got beard like Ho-Ho-Ho!”

At about two he realised that he could be sad if he missed someone.  To him this also meant ‘wanting’ them and he would often substitute the word.  So it was quite logical for him to say, “Miss Nanny, miss Uncle Gerry, miss ice-lolly!”

From about the age of three he’d disappear into the loo, get bits of toilet paper and roll them into a ball with water.  He’d then line them up on the radiator to dry and say “Don’t touch my hard yottles!”  Within a few days they’d dry out like solid pellets and be stored in a bowl.  For what purpose?  Who knows, but ‘yottles’ were such an important part of his life he still talks about them fondly to this day.

We bought my mum a beautiful carriage clock for a special birthday and, when she asked us where we’d bought it, our son piped up “The Pound Shop!”  We hadn’t, it was just that an awful lot of our things did come from there.

Dropping his toys on the floor when he was about three, he bent to pick them up and said “Shit!”  Then added “Oh dear!” as he realised he shouldn’t have said that word.  I’ve never heard him swear since - really!

One afternoon he spotted a huge spider in the kitchen.  By the time he’d told me it was there, it was too late for me to catch and release it (I’m not a killer).  The next day I also saw a spider in the kitchen and asked my son if he thought it might be the same one.  “What did it look like?” he asked me.  I made a really mean looking face and curled both hands up in to spidery looking legs. “Yep, that was him!” my son shouted.

His first nursery buddy came from a rather well-to-do family with a massive house.  When the child entered our home for the first time he very abruptly said “Your house is very small!”  So what did my four year old son do?  Stored that piece of info in his little brain and, when we were invited back to the ‘mansion’, clearly stated “Your house is very dusty!”

After a week in Reception, he came home and said “If they make me write the letter ‘W’ one more time, I’m not going back.”  They moved him up an academic year soon after that.

At about the age of five he told me that he’d picked me as his mummy when he was floating around on the cloud he lived on before he was born.  He also said that he remembered that his daddy and my sister where there when he was born, waiting for him to come out.  Spooky!

At fifteen he continues to entertain us with his wit and he never fails to find the opportunity for a pun.  Our own little ‘in-house’ comedian.

What funny things have your kids said?

Diary of a Mummy Misfit is available at Amazon for Kindle.  Now also in paperback at Lulu.