Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Broken Funny Bone

I'm not blowing my own trumpet here but I know that I have many readers who eagerly await my June and December releases.  I thank them for their support and loyalty and I owe them my best.

At the moment I don't think I can deliver that.

Oh, I've been writing like a demon.  35,000 words of one novel and 13,000 of another but ... I'm just not feeling it.  I don't think they're good enough and I won't ever put something out there that I'm not proud of.

When my mum passed away, almost seven months ago, people kept telling me to be kind to myself.  At the time, I didn't understand what they meant.  Now I think I do.  I cared for my mum for almost nine years and now I don't know my life any more.  It's different, beyond different and that's going to take some getting used to.

If I had a regular job to return to where I had daily tasks, routine and a structure, it would obviously be another story.  But writing, especially light, fluffy chicklit, is a whole different kettle of fish.  I don't feel funny.  I don't feel quirky.  I feel grey, bleak and dull - my readers don't want that.  Every sentence is a struggle and the plots aren't allowing me to inject my usual sprinkle of humour.

In short, I'm going to start being kind to myself.  I'm going to stop beating myself up and hold my hands up and say. 'It's OK to cancel my December release.  It's better that way'.  I'm also going to congratulate myself for finding the resolve to get my June release out on time, against difficult odds.

I'm fortunate enough that, although I won't be physically working, I'll still be earning a living from my other books and I'll also have the time to actively promote them and maybe blog a bit more.

So, apologies to those I'm letting down.  Who knows, inspiration might strike and I might ease myself in gently with a Christmas novella but, for now, I'm just letting plots bubble in my head until I feel strong enough again.

As always, thanks to all those who have read my books and continue to support me - not only with my writing but also through a tough time.


  1. I'm sure you won't be letting anyone down. Just take care of yourself, take some space and breathe.Until you're touched by grief, you couldn't possibly understand how it turns your life upside down and you have to learn to live a different life. I sincerely hope you find peace and happiness again. Sending love xx

  2. I agree with Amanda Nason. You do need to be kind to yourself. No one can explain how hard it is to lose your mum. Mine died three years ago and I still find it really hard. It does get a whole lot better but then every now and then it gets you. A year later my brother and the young son of a dear friend died too and so just as I felt that I might pick myself up a bit more grief landed on me and at times I felt like I was drowning in it and slowly but surely things got better and eventually life happened and its all much easier to deal with. Recently my daughter got her exam results and she started college and it physically hurt not to be able to phone and tell her. Those are the times it is hard. Everyone told me to hold on to the happy memories and they were right. They are all that matter. It may be hard at first but you will eventually get there. Love A x