People have been asking why I've not been posting any blogs, other than FUNKY FRIDAY, and I guess I owe those loyal followers an explanation.
How do I sum this up without giving too much away or ranting?
I'm tired, sad, angry, emotional and not too much fun to be around at the moment. I feel like I'm grieving - grieving for many things but with no actual death to show for it. That's a funny kind of grief - but it doesn't make me laugh. And it doesn't make me want to write blogs that will draw in the crowds - no one likes a misery.
I'm just so relieved that I have my new novel under my belt and undergoing the editing process because, right now, I don't have it in me to lose myself in another world - my real one is too consuming.
In short, I take my hat off to all those carers who do it for love - it's a 24/7 job and often has little reward. It's so hard to keep someone UP as they drag you DOWN. It's also hard to remember that you love that person with all your heart, to not resent them and to remember to think of yourself in amongst all the other stuff you're dealing with.
I realised, on yet another sleepless night last week, that I've had a total of seven years of caring in unusual circumstances - I'm not talking just being a mum, or a daughter to an elderly parent. In 2006 my mum had a tough time and needed to be guided through it. As soon as she 'emerged' my son then developed school phobia and I needed to be there to see him through that. He's now left school but I find myself back on 'Mum Duty' again. In all of those years, I haven't had one holiday. No, I'm not asking for you to bring out the violins, I'm simply stating the facts as they are.
I love them both - I will do anything for them. I've proved that. But now, I'm tired and a little bit fed up.
That's why I've not been blogging.
Thank you all so much for your support and love - whether it's been through Facebook, Twitter, emails, phone-calls, texts or lovely, little parcels. You know who you are.