Tuesday, 5 November 2013

When it's best to keep quiet.

People have been asking why I've not been posting any blogs, other than FUNKY FRIDAY, and I guess I owe those loyal followers an explanation.

How do I sum this up without giving too much away or ranting?

I'm tired, sad, angry, emotional and not too much fun to be around at the moment.  I feel like I'm grieving - grieving for many things but with no actual death to show for it.  That's a funny kind of grief - but it doesn't make me laugh. And it doesn't make me want to write blogs that will draw in the crowds - no one likes a misery.

I'm just so relieved that I have my new novel under my belt and undergoing the editing process because, right now, I don't have it in me to lose myself in another world - my real one is too consuming.

In short, I take my hat off to all those carers who do it for love - it's a 24/7 job and often has little reward.  It's so hard to keep someone UP as they drag you DOWN.  It's also hard to remember that you love that person with all your heart, to not resent them and to remember to think of yourself in amongst all the other stuff you're dealing with.

I realised, on yet another sleepless night last week, that I've had a total of seven years of caring in unusual circumstances - I'm not talking just being a mum, or a daughter to an elderly parent.  In 2006 my mum had a tough time and needed to be guided through it.  As soon as she 'emerged' my son then developed school phobia and I needed to be there to see him through that.  He's now left school but I find myself back on 'Mum Duty' again.  In all of those years, I haven't had one holiday.  No, I'm not asking for you to bring out the violins, I'm simply stating the facts as they are.

I love them both - I will do anything for them.  I've proved that.  But now, I'm tired and a little bit fed up.

That's why I've not been blogging.

Thank you all so much for your support and love - whether it's been through Facebook, Twitter, emails, phone-calls, texts or lovely, little parcels.  You know who you are.


  1. Chin up Amanda. You are truly incredible with your patience and caring nature. Stay strong. xxx

  2. Thanks Moira - for everything :) xxx

  3. I really hope you get a little special care coming your way in the not too distant future - seems to me like you deserve it x

  4. Thanks, Amanda. A cruise would be nice - or even a night in Brighton! ;) x

  5. Coffee and the best and biggest and creamiest cake in the shop. When and where. You only have to say. xxxxx

  6. Thanks Carol - when there's a break in the traffic, I'll most definitely take you up on that :) xx

  7. Good on Your Ms Egan Sometime ya just gotta do what you gotta do with 100% of your being.. I just bet you know all the answers to your situation without any coaching from any of us ... I also bet you only need the main ingredient that is seemingly missing in most peoples schedules .... Time .... Time to do all and be all you have to be ... Its a large juggle sometime Cheers from peole who care in outback Oz

  8. Of course you're fed up - who wouldn't be! Only saints manage all this without grumbling (I don't know any saints, only real people). Just wondering - is there are 'carers' organisation' of some sort near you? You've probably been in touch with this lot http://www.carersuk.org/ already, but they are reputed to be helpful, even if it's just listening on the phone.

  9. One day, one minute sometimes, at a time. And that is enough. x

  10. I commented on my ipad but it flew into cyberspace. I didn't care on a 24/7 basis as you are doing but I know how it can take over your life. I went to my mother in laws every day,it took me longer to do her shopping than my own.She complained about everything I bought,honestly sometimes I just walked in put the shopping in fridge and went away because I really could not deal with her complaining. She phoned us constantly,a bulb went,she couldn't get tv working etc and when hubby went down she had climbed on chair to fix bulb. My nerves wre shattered. All she wanted was her son to do what I was doing but he was working and couldn't.
    I couldn't care the same for my own mum as she lived to far from me but it would probably have been similar. The only thing I can say to help you is you will one day look back and say,I'm so glad I did that"
    Take any help that's offered to you and like Jo said find a carers support group there may be more help out there than you know about.

  11. Thank you all for your comments - yes, it's hard work but someone has to do it.
    I have contacted organisations but found them to be very lacking.
    And, yes, I will look back and say 'I'm glad I did it' - I will have no regrets. I think that's the most important thing when caring and struggling :)