Last week we had the A-Z of me. This week I tackle the A-Z of things that bug me - a kind of extended version of my ‘Room 101’ (see HERE). Some of my bug-bears will have featured in other posts, which only goes to show how much they really annoy me!
A - Agents. Bitter? Me? Yes! I’ve been pushed from pillar to post by literary agents and had my hopes raised and dashed - sometimes over a period of months, sometimes overnight. If I’d been a celebrity who’d written a shopping list they’d have bashed my door down but I was just a nobody - although I’ve written (so my readers tell me) two cracking books and am currently working on a third. I’m now at the stage where I would never approach an agent again.
B - Bicycles in London. Sorry Boris, but this is not the place for bikes. They are everywhere! I spend the whole of my driving life absolutely paranoid as I negotiate the streets surrounded by them. Half of them don’t bother looking out for me and the majority of them take no notice of traffic lights. Get them off my roads.
C - Clingfilm. It comes from the tube like a flirty little minx, doing everything my husband tells it. But the minute I touch it, it shrivels into a ball and becomes totally uncontrollable. A line that can often be heard in our house is from hubbie to me, “You’ve been at the clingfilm again, haven’t you?”
D - Dust. Come on! The minute I’ve got rid of you, you’re back again. It’s not a game! Or if it is, let’s make it Hide & Seek - you hide and I won’t seek.
E - Eggs. Now I love eggs but the boiled variety that really don’t want to take their clothes off just make me so mad. I want to eat you when you’re a hot, full sized egg, not when you’re stone cold and looking like you’ve been put through a mincer. Get ‘em off!
F - Flying. I know it’s a necessary evil to get to where you need to go but … well, it’s just not natural is it? As a writer, I like my head to be in the clouds - never my feet.
G - Grey underwear. You buy pristine white or cream knickers or bras and within weeks they’re only fit for the bin. I now know why most of the underwear I buy is black.
H - Hanger-uppers! Not a real word, I know, but I’m sure you get my drift. Usually call centres who have you in a queue. When I’m hit by ten in a day I start to see red.
I - Inconsistency. People who say one thing and then do another. Stories that get changed along the way. I’m not stupid, don’t insult me.
J - Jordan, Katie Price whatever you want to call her. Grrrr! She looks smelly and irritates the poo out of me. Oh and she’s published books - say no more!
K - Know-alls. You know the type? They know everything about everything, tell you how to live your life and also what everyone else is doing wrong with theirs.
L - Liars. Lie to me once and lose my trust forever. Yes, that’s black and white but that’s my choice. Live your life openly and honestly and you’ll never need to cover your back.
M - Men who talk to your bosoms and not your face. Shall I talk to your willy? Enough said.
N - No smoking policy. I’ve written about this before but I firmly believe there should have been an option for smoking clubs, pubs and restaurants. Give us stupid people a choice!
O - Open House. Our country is full to the brim. We’re struggling and yet we still let immigrants in, often to claim benefits. I’m not racist, as I’ve said time and again in my blogs, I’m merely practical. We have no space, no money and no jobs. It makes perfect sense to me.
P - Periods. I’m 48, do I really need them any more? And don’t get me started on the ad telling us to “Have a happy period.” Just don’t go there! Do you know any woman who thinks that’s a great strap-line? Talk to your audience guys! (see my letter to Mother Nature HERE)
Q - Queuing. What a waste of time, eh? But we have to do it. Unless of course you are a queue jumper and they bug me even more. What makes you think that your time is more precious than mine?
R - Rome. A bit of a cheat here (and I’ve blogged about it in the past) but “When in Rome …” If you choose to live in our country, live by our rules - simple. And don’t try to inflict your views, religious beliefs or laws on us.
S - Size zero women. If you’re size zero through ill-health, you have my full sympathy. But size zero out of choice? What is a size zero? Do you not want to exist? Come on ladies, get a bit of meat on you and live a little.
T - Technology. I fully accept that technology is wonderful and has changed all of our lives but when it doesn’t work, or I’m stuck on something that I can’t do, I want to kick it out of the window.
U - Ugg boots. Sorry Ugg lovers but they are just so UGGLY! Along with Crocs, they are 100% sexless and make my stomach churn. Why would anyone want to walk around looking like Bigfoot?
V - Vaccinations. Or more importantly, the way parents are made to feel if they make an educated decision not to vaccinate. Our babies should not be treated as social lepers, we are merely doing what we think is right and not lining the pockets of the pharmaceutical companies by pumping our offspring full of unnecessary drugs.
W - Wasps. I shudder just writing the word. The sound, the evil look, the sting. I wish they’d all die and make my summers happier. OK, I know they have a purpose and all that claptrap, but I want them gone.
X - X axis! OK, it’s a little tenuous but I HATE maths and it hates me.
Y - Yummy Mummies. Now there’s nothing wrong with being a mummy and looking yummy - I’ve been known to do it myself on occasions - but it’s the loud, designer-clad brigade who spend their lives trying to outdo one another. Read my books, you’ll meet them all.
Z - Zippy from Rainbow. Even as a child I knew he was a big headed know-it-all and I wanted to permanently shut his annoying zip-gob.
So there you have it, another side to Mummy Misfit. Do you agree with any of my points? Do you vehemently disagree? Let me know here or on Twitter.
In the meantime, I tag a new friend @donna_trinder. Find her blog HERE. And an old friend @mummyontheedge1 HERE
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