Just last week I was invited to a Knightsbridge cocktail bar to interview the very gorgeous Fenella Hunter-Barnes, a fictional character from my debut novel ‘Diary of a Mummy Misfit’. I’d just like to share her answers with you and to inform you that all drinks were supplied by her, as was the very drunken taxi ride home.
“So, Fenella, people are saying that although the book tells Libby’s story, you are the bigger character. How do you feel about this?”
“Ah now, Sweedie, I really think that’s a little unfair. Libby is an absolute darling and I … well, I guess I’m just a little more vocal in coming forward. If I think something, I say it, so I guess rather a lot of my voice is heard in the book. I suppose we kind of compliment one another; she’s the thinker and I’m the mouth-piece.”
“I hope you won’t think me rude but you have all the trappings and financial security of the dreaded “Meemies,” who you rail against in the book, but you somehow manage to stay grounded. What do you put this down to?”
“I don’t find you rude at all. “Speak as you find, I always say.” Well, without blowing my own trumpet, I’d say the answer to that question basically boils down to the fact that I’m a decent person. I don’t judge someone by what they’ve got or haven’t got. The daft cows at the school gates, blatantly flashing their designer handbags, can shove ‘em where the sun don’t shine as far as I’m concerned. It’s what’s in your heart that really counts. Oh yuck, that sounds so naff, doesn’t it? But you get my drift.”
“Talking finances, do you ever regret that Libby can’t afford to share your passions in life?”
“Oh God, it’s all back to money again isn’t it? NO, of course I don’t think like that. Libby and I click and that’s all that matters. She’s far more resourceful than me, organises super dinner parties and Josh loves a sneaky peak at her cleavage. Money quite simply doesn’t come into it. I’d love, for Libby and Ned’s sake, for them to get a lucky break but it wouldn’t alter our friendship.”
“If you were to fall pregnant, would it detract from your joy of sharing the news with Libby, knowing that she wants another baby so badly?”
“Me? Fall pregnant? Both my babies were IVF so I would think it very unlikely that I would just fall for one now. PLUS, no, no, no. I don’t want another one, thank you very much. Cracked nips, fallen vaggies and no booze or fags! No, I’m hanging out for Libs to have another one so I can babysit and hand it back at the end of the night. Mind you, I’d be a little miffed that I’d lost my drinking partner.”
“What are your thoughts on Mrs Sengupta trying to match-make Libby with Pritesh?”
“Oh the darling Mrs S. What a hoot, eh? And what a hunk that Pritesh is! I just think it’s lucky that Ned is so easygoing and trusting. But then of course Lib and Ned have the most fab marriage. Hey, I wouldn’t mind a little ‘Delhi Delight’ on tap for when things get dreary. But that’s just the sort of girl I am!”
“You’re rather well known in the book for your impromptu Broadway numbers, does this make you proud?”
“That’s really something I’d rather not discuss. I’m usually off my trolley at the time so don’t remember anything about it until I find boa feathers when I floss … can we move on please?”
“… and your language has been compared to that of a Navvy - your thoughts on this?”
“Again, can we move on please?”
“Finally, Fenella, do you think your character was based on anyone in real life?”
“Oh, don’t be so ridiculous. I’m so much larger than life, it’s not true. I’m simply a blend of lots of people and a figment of your imagination, but I thank you for writing me so beautifully … now, let’s have another cocktail shall we? I haven’t given the credit card a bashing for ages but I’m just popping out for a ciggie first. Care to join me?”
If you’ve enjoyed this interview with Fenella, find out more about her in my book available at Amazon for download to Kindle, PC or phone.
Believe me, she’s a one off - and I’ve got the hangover to prove it.
Now also available in paperback at Lulu.