Hitting the Big Five-Oh!

As I approach my 50^th birthday, I’ve been having a little think about the things I’ve learnt.  Old age does that to you!  In my head I’m still eighteen but the mirror tells another story.  How on earth did I hit half a century?  And how much of the second half do I have left?  Scary stuff!

Here’s a few things I discovered with the wisdom of maturity.  (Hah!)

My face takes longer to wake up - but by the time it’s awake it’s usually time to go to bed again.

I’m far stronger than I thought I was and can cope with a fair amount before I start to crack.  When that happens I know it’s time for early nights, a pep-talk from hubbie, a big breath and a step back from everything.  Four migraines in a week was my body’s way of talking to me - now I know when to listen.

My hair doesn’t grow as quickly as I’d like it to.  ONE WHOLE YEAR of minuscule trims and it’s still not reached my shoulders.  My Goddaughter will have to wait a while for the promised perm.  Lesson learnt - never make a promise on New Year’s Eve after too many glasses of bubbly!

There are some things you have no control over and simply have to be pushed from your mind.

Cooking, cleaning, washing and family get in the way of writing.  Working from home has its advantages but husbands, teens and mothers always want a piece of you just at the wrong time.  The hero might be moving in for that first kiss but if it’s time to don the chauffeur’s hat, he just has to wait.

I can get ready to go on an impromptu night out in less than half an hour - including hair wash.  Gone are the teenage days of three hours of primping, preening and a mountain of discarded clothes on the bed.

I’ve been astonished by the kindness of strangers who have gone on to become friends.  Twitter was alien to me just over two years ago - now I’ve made connections with people I would never have met and many have touched my life in ways I would never have thought possible.

I can introduce myself as a writer and not feel a sham.  I’ve been told that Indies are lucky to sell 200 books.  I’ve sold each of mine in the thousands and I earn a wage from my stories.  It’s not an easy way to make a living, and if the right book deal came my way I’d bite the publisher's hand off, but for now it keeps us ticking along.

I can’t do two late nights on the trot - and if I do, I’m like a zombie for the next two days.  Me!  The party animal!  Who’d have thought it?

Bed is still the best place in the world.  There’s nothing like climbing into those sheets after a lovely bath. Aaaah!  And now, instead of having a head full of worries, I plot and plan my books.  See!  I can work in bed too.

Yoga definitely makes me feel better both physically and mentally.  I just have to creep up on myself each morning and get it done.  I don’t want to be a bent over old lady!

Chocolate will always have a hold over me but not feeling guilty about eating it makes it calorie free (it’s true!).  Having lost a stone in the last four months, it may even aid weight loss - you heard it here first.

I must never Google medical symptoms.  I’ve diagnosed myself at death’s door so many times, it’s amazing I’m here to write this blog.  Hubbie can often be heard saying, ‘Oh!  It didn’t kill you again this time, then?  Phew!’

My husband is the strongest, funniest, most supportive, practical and logical person I know.  Not a day goes by that we don’t have a laugh or I thank God for bringing him to me.  He’s my rock - even when he is attempting dodgy dance moves in the kitchen.

So that’s about it.  I’m off now as I think I just heard the postman - no doubt with yet more Saga and Over 50’s plans.  Sheeesh!

Dear Me ...

Dozens of celebrities have been asked to take part in compiling a book of letters to their sixteen year old self, based on what they know now.

Well, I’m no celebrity but I’m taking part anyway.

Dear Me

Right now the hardest decisions you’ll have to make are whether or not to squeeze a spot or what to wear to the disco at the weekend.

But life will get tougher.

When you’re crying in your bed at night about an unrequited love or pouring your heart into your diary because of your latest rejection, try to remember these are the good times and it’s all valuable experience.  Being sixteen is great but, sadly, it doesn’t last forever.

In two year’s time you’ll lose the best dad a girl could ever have asked for.  It won’t be easy and it will remain something you’ll never get over.  But you will have your fantastic mum for many years and, although it will pain you to see her age, you’ll become her best friend and primary carer.  There will be difficult times with her but you’ve been given the strength to cope and she’ll be grateful for that.

Your years at drama school will be among your happiest - you may not think so at the time, as combining those years with looking out for a grieving mum will often hold you back.  You’ll meet your best friends there - one who, although she drives you to distraction, will be with you way into the future.  And another who will sadly take his life - there’ll be nothing you can do for him though as he’ll be beyond help.

You’ll break many hearts - not intentionally - and you’ll often think you’re in love when you’re not.  But don’t worry because your soul-mate is waiting and it will all fall into place when you least expect it.

Sadly you’ll always be one of those people who get ‘close but no cigar’.  You’ll be excited to get offered the lead in a play at the National Theatre - it won’t happen, there will be cutbacks and your chance in the spotlight will be snatched from you.  Later in life, with acting behind you, you’ll come close to seeing your book in print only to see that fall in a heap too.  Just accept these things and move on.  Try to understand that they happen for a reason and just continue to do the best you can.

You’ll lose many people you love but the one who will leave the biggest hole is your Godmother.  There won’t be a day that goes by that you don’t think of her, she will always be in your heart.  That’s a good thing - cherish it.

Worrying will become one of the things you’re best at.  If you could just try to pin-point the day the niggles start, stop them there and then.  Once they set in, you’ll find them hard to shift.  Luckily, your soul-mate will be the complete opposite so you’ll manage to control it.

So every sixteen year old girl wants to know if and when she’ll get married - yes, you will, at the ripe old age of thirty and you’ll go on to have one very special child.  It’ll be a marriage made in heaven, so you don’t need to worry there, but you’ll have many tough times financially.  Don’t panic though, because the love you’ll have for one another will be so strong, you’ll survive anything.

I know you won’t believe me when I tell you that there’ll be some exceptionally difficult family issues to work through - doesn’t seem possible right now, does it?  I can’t tell you how they’ll work out, because at this stage I don’t know.  You’re going to have to be really strong when that time comes and accept that there are certain things you can’t change.  You’ll be heart-broken and I hope that feeling doesn’t last forever.

There’s not much else I can say really.  You won’t do a bad job of your life, you’ll have lots of fun and much to look forward to.  You’ll always be at your happiest when you’re creating something to alleviate your low boredom threshold.  Trust me, when you’re bored you’re not an easy person to live with.

Try to learn the knack of going with the flow - it will make life much easier.  Things will be what they will be and it’s not in your power to force things.

Enjoy the ride!  It’s a great one and don’t let fear hold you back.

Love, Me x

PS:  Don’t touch that first cigarette.  You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

Diary of a Mummy Misfit is available at Amazon for Kindle. Now also available in paperback at Lulu.